Homework 2
학생이 쓴 원문
This phenomenon has negative impacts on individual and on society. Sleeping less time lead to health problems because people don\'t have enough time to work out. Many people struggle with their work or study, and it makes people not stay healthy. A survey has shown that the number of people who use gym regularly are reducing every year. Also, if people can\'t sleep enough time, people are under stress for a long time. This is because they don\'t have time to have a vacation and do their hobbies, so they can\'t release their stress. Therefore, sleeping less time than before has negative impacts on individual and on society because it can cause health problems and makes people be under stress for a long time.
To sum up, people sleep less than before in many countries because people have to manage heavy workloads and study to develop their ability. Also it has negative impacts on society and on individual because it can lead to health problems and makes people be under stress.
강사 첨삭
Hello [이름]!
Let me reiterate that you have to avoid repeating the same sentences.
You need more vocabulary words to make various kinds of sentences.
It might be the same idea but if you express it in a different way, it would be alright.
Practice this more.^^
Practice this more.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
This phenomenon has negative impacts on individual and on society.
>> This phenomenon has a negative impact on the individual and the society.
Sleeping less time lead to health problems because people don\'t have enough time to work out.
>> Sleeping less leads to health problems and people don\'t have enough time to work out.
Many people struggle with their work or study, and it makes people not stay healthy.
>> Many people struggle with their work or study, and it keeps people from being healthy.
A survey has shown that the number of people who use gym regularly are reducing every year.
>> A survey has shown that the number of people who use the gym regularly is reducing every year.
Also, if people can\'t sleep enough time, people are under stress for a long time.
>> Also, if people can\'t sleep enough, people would be under stress for a long time.
This is because they don\'t have time to have a vacation and do their hobbies, so they can\'t release their stress.
>> This is because they don\'t have time to have a vacation and do their hobbies, so they can\'t release their stress.
Therefore, sleeping less time than before has negative impacts on individual and on society because it can cause health problems and makes people be under stress for a long time.
>> Therefore, sleeping lesser than before has a negative impact on the individual and on the society because it can cause health problems and cause people to be under stress for a long time.
To sum up, people sleep less than before in many countries because people have to manage heavy workloads and study to develop their ability.
To sum up, people sleep less than before in many countries because people have to manage heavy workloads and study to develop their ability.
>> To sum up, people sleep lesser than before in many countries because people have to manage a heavy workload and study to develop their ability.
Also it has negative impacts on society and on individual because it can lead to health problems and makes people be under stress.
>> It also has a negative impact on the society and on the individual because it can lead to health problems and cause people to be under stress.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.