Homework 2

2019-04-16 · 첨삭 강사 Sharon

학생이 쓴 원문

To alleviate this phenomenon, the government should encourage companies and schools by providing subsidies. The government should encourage companies to provide enough free time. For example, Samsung built a gym in their building for their employees, so they can work out during their work time, and their work out times are compensated to company by the government subsidies. Also, the government should encourage schools and companies to provide a well-balanced meal in their caffeteria. This is because doing this can make sure that people stay fit and lose their weight. It is evident that the government can manage this phenomenon by providing subsidies to companies and schools. In conclusion, this phenomenon caused by a ever-changing world, but it can be solved by the government.

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름]!
You gave great examples here.
Your writing is beginning to show depth and meaning.
I hope you keep this up!^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
To alleviate this phenomenon, the government should encourage companies and schools by providing subsidies.
>> Correct
The government should encourage companies to provide enough free time. 
>> Correct
For example, Samsung built a gym in their building for their employees, so they can work out during their work time, and their work out times are compensated to company by the government subsidies. 
>> For example, Samsung built a gym in their building for their employees, so they can work out during their work time, and their work out time is compensated to the company by the government subsidies. 
Also, the government should encourage schools and companies to provide a well-balanced meal in their caffeteria. 
>> Also, the government should encourage schools and companies to provide well-balanced meals in their cafeteria. 
This is because doing this can make sure that people stay fit and lose their weight. 
>> This is because doing this can make sure that people stay fit and lose weight. 
It is evident that the government can manage this phenomenon by providing subsidies to companies and schools. 
>> Correct
In conclusion, this phenomenon caused by a ever-changing world, but it can be solved by the government.
>> In conclusion, this phenomenon caused by an ever-changing world can be solved by the government.

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·