Homework 2
학생이 쓴 원문
On the other hand, others believe that most working children are exploited in their work place because they have no choice. In many countries, children work for their family. If they don\'t work a day, their family could not eat anything. So, many children work beyond their maximum work hours which made from the government and can’t have enough breaking time. In this case, children also can’t go to school, so they can’t learn the working laws. Therefore, it is clear that working as a child has negative influences on children.
Overall, children may can learn many things from working, but I believe that working as a child has more harmful impacts than positive impacts on children.
강사 첨삭
Hi [이름]!
You made the right choice in relating the past to the present.
Your examples have developed too.
My opinion stays the same.
There are some ideas repeated that had a negative impact on the composition.
Also,pay attention to the correct terms and expressions that are commonly used.^^
~~Teacher Sharon
On the other hand, others believe that most working children are exploited in their work place because they have no choice.
>> On the other hand, others believe that most working children are exploited in their work place because they have no other options.
In many countries, children work for their family.
>> Correct
If they don\'t work a day, their family could not eat anything.
>> Correct
So, many children work beyond their maximum work hours which made from the government and can’t have enough breaking time.
>> That\'s why many children work beyond their maximum work hours which was set by the government and can’t have enough breaks.
In this case, children also can’t go to school, so they can’t learn the working laws.
>> In this case, children also can’t go to school, so they can’t learn about labor laws.
Therefore, it is clear that working as a child has negative influences on children.
>> Therefore, it is clear that working as a child has negative influences on these children.
Overall, children may can learn many things from working, but I believe that working as a child has more harmful impacts than positive impacts on children.
Overall, children may can learn many things from working, but I believe that working as a child has more harmful impacts than positive impacts on children.
>> Overall, children can learn many things from working, but I believe that working as a child has more harmful effects than positive ones on children.
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