homework

As I become parents, I hope our punishment is more strong. Korea now is faced strong criminal like murder, rape, fraud and assult. Especially, It happened for women who are more weaker than men. So, big city like Seoul has a lot of CCTV for protecting our citizens. But I think if judical punishment is more strong, they can't many thoes behaviors. They can't afraid go to jail because if they did rape, fraud and assult, they will give 4~5 years. It's bullshit. The term is very short for them. Sometimes, I envy USA judical punishment. They usually give 50 years. I guess it's the right.

Hi! Thank you for sending me an essay about crimes. You were able to express your opinions well. I commend you for creating credible sentences. I advise you not to use bad expressions you can just elaborate your feelings more in order for you to say what you really mean and feel. Have a great day! See you again.

T,Jeny

Here are my corrections for you:

As I become parents, I hope our punishment is more strong.

>>When I become a parent, I hope that the punishments will be stronger.

OR >>When I become a parent,I hope that the law will impose strong punishments for criminals.

Korea now is faced strong criminal like murder, rape, fraud and assult.

>>Korea now is facing crimes like murder, rape, fraud and assault.

OR >>Korea is now experiencing a lot of crimes like murder, rape, fraud and assault.

Especially, It happened for women who are more weaker than men.

>>It happens to women who are weaker than men.

So, big city like Seoul has a lot of CCTV for protecting our citizens.

>> So big cities like Seoul have a lot of CCTV to protect the citizens.

OR >> Big cities like Seoul have a lot of CCTV to protect the people from harm.
But I think if judical punishment is more strong, they can\'t many thoes behaviors.

>>But I think if judicial punishment is stronger, there will be no crime.

OR >>I think if the punishment for those crimes are stronger, there will be no such behaviors like rape, fraud, assault and murder.

They can\'t afraid go to jail because if they did rape, fraud and assult, they will give 4~5 years.

>>They aren\'t afraid to be in jail if they did those crimes because they are only given 4-5 years to be punished.

OR >>They are not afraid to be put in prison because the punishment is light.

It\'s bullshit.

>>( Be careful in saying this expression..This not a good expression.)

>>Better to say: It\'s ridiculous.

The term is very short for them.

>>The time for imprisonment is really short for them.

Sometimes, I envy USA judical punishment.

>>Sometimes, I envy the punishments made in USA.

They usually give 50 years.

>>The criminals will be in prison for 50 years.

OR >>The criminals will be in jail for 50 years.

I guess it\'s the right.

>>I guess this punishment is right.