homework

2012-10-10 · 첨삭 강사 Jeny

학생이 쓴 원문

1. I want to be a businessman of course. Most of employeers, in Korea, want to have their own business. But, it has too much risk so what people found a company is not easy. If you get merried already, you cannot more have a choice when you before merried. Because wife and children don't want to be a risk for bankrupt. Anyway I want to be a global businessman. So, I'm continuouly studing of English, ecomony,leadership and management now. 2. Actually, I don't satisfied one hundred percent but I think the most important thing is my mind. I guess most of people cannot find a job which satisfies one hundred percent. Becuase people always have a greedy. 3.Most of university seniors prepare for getting a job. We should get a good score for English exam, grade and take a some certificates that related to job what I apply job. Our seniors are very busy, they don't have any summer and winter vacation.

강사 첨삭

Hi there!

Thank you so much for your composition today! You made a spectacular answer. Good job! I enjoy reading your sentences. I appreciate your effort in doing your homework. Keep up the good start! I placed corrections and the explanation for each mistakes. Please try to review them for your improvement. Catch you later :)

~T. Jeny

Here are my corrections for you

1. I want to be a businessman of course.

>> Correct

>> Of course, I want to be a businessman. (Better)

Most of employeers, in Korea, want to have their own business.

>> Most of employers in Korea want to have their own business.

But, it has too much risk so what people found a company is not easy.

>> But I think it\'s quite difficult for other people to look for a job in a different company.

If you get merried already, you cannot more have a choice when you before merried.

>> If you are married, you don\'t have any choice but to do all duties of a married life.

Because wife and children don\'t want to be a risk for bankrupt.

>>Because I don\'t want my wife and children to suffer from bankruptcy.

Anyway, I want to be a global businessman.

>> Correct

So, I\'m continuouly studing of English, ecomony,leadership and management now.

>> So, I continuously study English, economy, leadership and management for my improvement.

2. Actually, I don\'t satisfied one hundred percent but I think the most important thing is my mind.

>> Actually, I\'m not one hundred percent satisfied with my grade, but I think the most important thing is my knowledge.

I guess most of people cannot find a job which satisfies one hundred percent.

>> I guess most of people cannot find a job which could satisfy them a hundred percent.

Becuase people always have a greedy.
>> Because most people are greedy.

3.Most of university seniors prepare for getting a job.

>> Most University seniors are preparing to get a job.

We should get a good score for English exam, grade and take a some certificates that related to job what I apply job.

>> We should get a good score or grade in our English exam and have some certificates that is related to the job that we are applying to.

Our seniors are very busy, they don\'t have any summer and winter vacation.

>> Correct (Well Done!)

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