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2013-03-21 · 첨삭 강사 Aurora

학생이 쓴 원문

What measures do you think should schools take to eliminate school violence? In Korea there is an increased number of suicide among teenage students. Most of the main reasons for that is school violence. So I think to reduce school violence we need to set up some protocal or system to prevent it. First we should hire more consultation teachers in shool. They can help student to have cousultation near by them. So there will be more chance to report and perceive student's problems with bulling. Second, schools have to increase the Vigelence Camera in blind points. The bad students who torture their mates are already know where these cameras are insatalled. So if we installed some cameras in secret in the frequent violence places, we can detect more efficiently problems.

강사 첨삭

Hello again!

I think you have a very good suggestion on this topic. I heard that bullying is one of the moset serious problems in Korea. I hope it\'ll get resolved. Anyway, have a wonderful day!

What measures do you think should schools take to eliminate school violence?
In Korea there is an increased number of suicide among teenage students.

>> In Korea there is an increased number of suicide cases among teenage students.

Most of the main reasons for that is school violence.

>> The most common reason for that is school violence.

So I think to reduce school violence we need to set up some protocal or system to prevent it.

>> So I think, to reduce school violence, we need to set up some protocol or system to prevent it.

First we should hire more consultation teachers in shool.

>> First, we should hire more counselors at school.

They can help student to have cousultation near by them.

>> They can be of help by guiding the students.

So there will be more chance to report and perceive student\'s problems with bulling.

>> Through this, there will be a bigger chance of being able to eradicate bullying.

Second, schools have to increase the Vigelence Camera in blind points.

>> Second, schools have to increase the number of security cameras especially those that are hidden.

The bad students who torture their mates are already know where these cameras are insatalled.

>> This would be a good way to determine who the bullies are.

So if we installed some cameras in secret in the frequent violence places, we can detect more efficiently problems.

>> So if we installed some cameras in secret places where violence usually happens, we can detect the involved ones faster.

 

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