Homework#3
학생이 쓴 원문
Hi, joylin! Recently, I study TOEIC speaking. So. i want to be checked for my script. Could you correct my script?
Q4. Besides price, what information do you want to know before you buy a smart phone?
First of all, I want to know design information before buying a smart phone
I am a visual person. So, the great design of a smart phone make me more happier.
Secondly, the camera is important. I take a lot of pictures. the function of a camera help me take a great picture.
HW#3 Has the invention of the atomic bomb made the world a more peaceful place?
I think it has made the world a more peaceful place.
The great military power make the country more stable.
Because it makes that the nation people may trust their country.
when i served military service in my country, I felt that a nation with powerless might be invaded by other country.
And you can see many cases in the history.
So, this reason is why the invention of the atomic bomb has made the world more peaceful
강사 첨삭
Hi [이름]!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts about the topic.
Be mindful of your punctuation and spelling of words.
Here are my corrections.
Besides price, what information do you want to know before you buy a smart phone?
>> Besides the price, what information do you want to know before you will buy a smart phone?
First of all, I want to know design information before buying a smart phone
>> First of all, I want to know about the design before buying a smart phone.
I am a visual person. So, the great design of a smart phone make me more happier.
>> I am a visual person. So, the great design of a smart phone makes me happy.
Secondly, the camera is important. I take a lot of pictures. the function of a camera help me take a great picture.
>> Secondly, the camera is important. I take a lot of pictures. The function of a camera helps me take a great picture.
I think it has made the world a more peaceful place.
>> Correct!
The great military power make the country more stable.
>> The great military power can make the country more stable.
Because it makes that the nation people may trust their country.
>> Because it makes people trust their country.
when i served military service in my country, I felt that a nation with powerless might be invaded by other country.
>> When I entered in the military service in my country, I felt that a powerless nation might be invaded by other countries.
And you can see many cases in the history.
>> And as you can see, there are many similar cases in the history.
>> And as you can see, there are many similar cases in the history.
So, this reason is why the invention of the atomic bomb has made the world more peaceful
>> So, this is the reason why the invention of the atomic bomb has made the world more peaceful.
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