Homework(4.16)

2021-04-19 · 첨삭 강사 Faith

학생이 쓴 원문

What skill do you want to learn in the future and why? - I\'d like to learn baking. It is good way to express my appreciation with small gift. Hand-made cookies or snack or bakes by myself could impress people. It could be not only good refreshments for kids but also healthy foods. Could you give me a correction for my self introduction to prepare a job interview as below ? \\\"I grew up in Pohang until finishing my high school, and then I moved to Seoul when I was 20, and took up degree in Multimidia communication engineering. After I graduated from Seoul Women\\\'s university, I used to live in Toronto for 7 months to study English. While I lived there, I was interested in learning English. So, after come to Korea, I joined semiconductor trading company to use English during my work. I have an experience over 5years for trading work. I hope there will be an opportunity to work with you.\\\"

강사 첨삭

Hello, Ji [이름]! It\'s nice to know that you are interested in baking to make people around you happy. Also, good luck on your job interview! 
-Faith-
What skill do you want to learn in the future and why?
>> CORRECT
- I\'d like to learn baking. 
>> CORRECT
OR The skill that I want to acquire in the future is baking.
It is good way to express my appreciation with small gift. 
>> It is a good way to express my appreciation to others with small gifts. 
Hand-made cookies or snack or bakes by myself could impress people. 
>> Hand-made cookies or snacks that are baked by myself could impress people. 
It could be not only good refreshments for kids but also healthy foods.
>> It could not only be good refreshments for kids but are also healthy foods.
Could you give me a correction for my self introduction to prepare a job interview as below ?
>> Could you give me a correction for my self introduction to prepare for a job interview as below?
\"I grew up in Pohang until finishing my high school, and then I moved to Seoul when I was 20, and took up degree in Multimidia communication engineering.
>> \"I grew up in Pohang until I finished my high school, and then I moved to Seoul when I was 20, and took up Multimedia Communication Engineering.
After I graduated from Seoul Women\\\'s university, I used to live in Toronto for 7 months to study English. 
>> After I graduated from Seoul Women\'s University, I went to Toronto and stayed there for seven months to study English. 
While I lived there, I was interested in learning English.
>> CORRECT
So, after come to Korea, I joined semiconductor trading company to use English during my work.
>> So, when I came back to Korea, I joined a semiconductor trading company to use English during my work.
 I have an experience over 5years for trading work. 
>> I have worked there for five years.
I hope there will be an opportunity to work with you.\\\"
>> I hope I will be given an opportunity to work with you.\"

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·