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2016-12-08 · 첨삭 강사 Megan

학생이 쓴 원문

Regarding this topic "Cigarettes should be more expensive", I don't agree with the contention like this. I think the people who contend like if incrise cigarrettes's price then it helps smoker will be quit smoking. But, I think the smokers still smoke even the price increase because smoking became their habit as women eat chocolate endless in the period. And, there is already resuit about even cigareetes's price much higher, the smoker still smoke in Korea. This thime govement of Korea, they strrugent korean's bad habit. Even ratio of smoker in Korea not that higher than other countries but the Korean goverment push forward 'qutting smoking' policy. A policy of qutting smoking is increase cigarettes's price. In korea, Cigarettes's price is about $ 4.5. Many smoker claim with this policy but they still can't quit. Even the price was increased, but the ratio of smoking still not changed and ratio of sales volume also still not changed. So the Korean goverment

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름]!!

Thanks for taking time to share your opinions about the topic : \"Cigarettes should be more expensive\". I had fun reading your composition.. Keep it up!!

~Teacher Megan~

HERE ARE MY CORRECTIONS:

Regarding this topic \"Cigarettes should be more expensive\", I don\'t agree with the contention like this.
>> Regarding this topic \"Cigarettes should be more expensive\", I don\'t agree with this sentence.

I think the people who contend like if incrise cigarrettes\'s price then it helps smoker will be quit smoking.
>> I think the people who are contended with the price will think that it would help smokers quit smoking.

But, I think the smokers still smoke even the price increase because smoking became their habit as women eat chocolate endless in the period.
>> But, I think the smokers will still smoke even if the price increases because smoking is already their habit as women eat chocolate endlessly during their period.

And, there is already resuit about even cigareetes\'s price much higher, the smoker still smoke in Korea.
>> And, there is already a result in Korea that even though the Cigarettes price is much higher, the smokers will still continue to smoke .

This thime govement of Korea, they strrugent korean\'s bad habit.
>> currently, the government of Korea is struggling againts Korean\'s bad habit.

Even ratio of smoker in Korea not that higher than other countries but the Korean goverment push forward \'qutting smoking\' policy.
>> Even the ratio of smokers in Korea is not that high compared to other countries, but the Korean goverment is pushing forward the \'qutt smoking\' policy.

A policy of qutting smoking is increase cigarettes\'s price.
>> A part of the policy is to increase cigarettes\'s price.

In korea, Cigarettes\'s price is about $ 4.5.
>> Correct.
OR
>> In korea, Cigarettes\'costs about $ 4.5.

Many smoker claim with this policy but they still can\'t quit.
>> Many smokers claim that even with this policy but they still can\'t quit.

Even the price was increased, but the ratio of smoking still not changed and ratio of sales volume also still not changed.
>> Even the price was increased,still the ratio of smoking hasn\'t changed and the ratio of sales volume is still the same.

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