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2016-12-20 · 첨삭 강사 Rose

학생이 쓴 원문

With my mobile phone,I am able to get in touch with people nearly 24/7. It's amazing that the Internet access is possible at our fingertips anytime we need. There exist tons of applications in smartphones, so we can use it as an mp3 player, digital camera, phone, GPS, calculator, flashlight, e-book reader, currency converter, and handheld gaming device. Contrary to these advantages, the device has given us not a few significant problems. It is hindering real human interaction, with people's eyes and fingers glued to their mobile phones. It could lead to some pretty serious accidents while driving or even walking. While having all our information in one handy device can be extremely convenient, it also has the potential to be dangerous. We must keep in mind that this device is a double-edged sword. Personally, I don't think that the bad outweighs the good. Sometimes we need to pull ourselves away from this modern convenience for a while and let's carefully listen to our inner voices.

강사 첨삭

In spite of the amusement my mobile phone gives, I also enjoy some amount of silence^^

Of course, leaving me phones leaves me anxious because of the convenience that comes with it.

Happy Tuesday, Sir!

With my mobile phone, I am able to get in touch with people nearly 24/7.

>>CORRECT!
 It\'s amazing that the Internet access is possible at our fingertips anytime we need. 

>>It\'s amazing that the Internet access is possible at our fingertips anytime we need it. 
 There exist tons of applications in smartphones, so we can use it as an mp3 player, digital camera, phone, GPS, calculator, flashlight, e-book

 reader, currency converter, and handheld gaming device.

>>CORRECT!
 Contrary to these advantages, the device has given us not a few significant problems.

>>CORRECT!
 It is hindering real human interaction, with people\'s eyes and fingers glued to their mobile phones. 

>>CORRECT!
 It could lead to some pretty serious accidents while driving or even walking.

>>CORRECT!
 While having all our information in one handy device can be extremely convenient, it also has the potential to be dangerous.

>>CORRECT!
 We must keep in mind that this device is a double-edged sword. 

>>CORRECT!
 Personally, I don\'t think that the bad outweighs the good. 

>>CORRECT!
 Sometimes we need to pull ourselves away from this modern convenience for a while and let\'s carefully listen to our inner voices.

>>CORRECT!

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