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2017-01-04 · 첨삭 강사 Rose

학생이 쓴 원문

Now that my parents passed away a long time ago, recalling my parents is always reminiscent of my old hometown. Leaving both my parents and hometown happened simultaneously at my age 20 because of entering the army upon graduating from high school. The hometown in my heart, which I visited 16 years ago, had already turned into another one. It looked like an awkward rural old woman who put too much make-up on her face. However, the picturesque old hometown is still cherished in my heart, as the way of my parents' life is so much missed. Compared to my parents' life, my current belongings are abundant, such as a big apartment, many electric home appliances, two cars, and the like. In addition, my quality life exists in the way of traveling abroad, enjoying a leisure time and meeting decent people. However, there is a lot precious value in my parents'life that I can not relish. To name a few, they are a big family's joys and sorrows and the rural productive life of raising dozens of hens and farming. The way of my parents life deserves to be praised by the next generations.

강사 첨삭

Oh~ This paragraph reminded me of my hometown where a lot of memories took place^^
Thank you for your time, Sir!
See you tomorrow!
Now that my parents passed away a long time ago, recalling my parents is always reminiscent of my old hometown.
>>CORRECT!
Leaving both my parents and hometown happened simultaneously at my age 20 because of entering the army upon graduating from high
school.
>> Leaving both my parents and hometown happened simultaneously at 20, because of entering the army upon graduating from high school.
The hometown in my heart, which I visited 16 years ago, had already turned into another one.
>>CORRECT!
It looked like an awkward rural old woman who put too much make-up on her face.
>>CORRECT!
However, the picturesque old hometown is still cherished in my heart, as the way of my parents\' life is so much missed.
>>CORRECT!
Compared to my parents\' life, my current belongings are abundant, such as a big apartment, many electric home appliances, two cars, and
the like.
>>CORRECT!
In addition, my quality life exists in the way of traveling abroad, enjoying a leisure time and meeting decent people.
>>CORRECT!
However, there is a lot precious value in my parents\'life that I can not relish.
>>However, there is a lot precious value in my parents\' life that I can not relish.
To name a few, they are a big family\'s joys and sorrows and the rural productive life of raising dozens of hens and farming.
>>CORRECT!
The way of my parents life deserves to be praised by the next generations.
>>CORRECT!

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