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2017-02-02 · 첨삭 강사 Travis

학생이 쓴 원문

Hello, I am [이름]. Nice to meet you teacher Travis! I wll study hard to satify my desired OPIC grade. I look forward to your kind teachings. A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree? My answer My country is divided into two countries. So, many Korean men join the army. I agree that the goverment should increase spending on defense. But the money should not be used elsewhere. The money must use welfare(food, clothes and life enviroment) of Korean army and buy their weapon. Therefore, national defense is growing strong and govermentis able to safe their citizens. Thank you.

강사 첨삭

Good morning [이름].

I really appreciate your effort answering this question, and I feel that you have an open minded. In this question you were able to express your thoughts and your perception about where should the money will spend.

Teacher Travis.

My country is divided into two countries.

>>Correct.

So, many Korean men join the army.

>>Correct.

>>OR: Korean men require to join the army.
I agree that the goverment should increase spending on defense.

>>I agree that our government should increase the spending on defense.
But the money should not be used elsewhere.

>>But money shouldn\'t be spent elsewhere.
The money must use welfare(food, clothes and life enviroment) of Korean army and buy their weapon.

>>Money must be use in welfare(food, clothes and life environment)of Korean army must buy their weapon.
Therefore, national defense is growing strong and government is able to safe their citizens.

>>Therefore, national defense is growing strong and government is able to safeguard their citizens.

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