HOMEWORK

2017-02-22 · 첨삭 강사 Rose

학생이 쓴 원문

About 10 years ago, I read an article written by an Ivy Leaguer. She said that when she was in high school, she had been stuck on a foreign singer with her classmates for years, while studying very hard. Now that she became an adult, she was just keeping it as one of the most precious memories. Who could become a role model? Firstly, the greatest attribute of role models is an ability to inspire others. Secondly, role models have to possess their own clear values and try to materialize them. Thirdly, role models are other-focused as opposed to self-focused. They are usually active in their communities, freely giving of their time and talents to benefit people. Lastly, people admire role models who have ability to overcome a lot of obstacles in life. I don't think younger people truly admire celebrities as their role models. It is because most celebrities have never been living in such lives of role models which I mentioned above. As the Ivy League graduate said to us, the younger generations would be just hooked on celebrities for a certain period, and through the experience they might get mature to become an adult.

강사 첨삭

I personally think that celebrities are nice to look at, but they possess insufficient qualities for us to look up to.

Thank you very much for writing this paragraph, Sir :)

I am so glad that young people have become wiser in choosing their role models^^

About 10 years ago, I read an article written by an Ivy Leaguer.

>>CORRECT!
 She said that when she was in high school, she had been stuck on a foreign singer with her classmates for years, while

 studying very hard.

>>CORRECT!
 Now that she became an adult, she was just keeping it as one of the most precious memories.

>>CORRECT!
 Who could become a role model?

>>CORRECT!
 Firstly, the greatest attribute of role models is an ability to inspire others.

>>CORRECT!
 Secondly, role models have to possess their own clear values and try to materialize them. 

>>CORRECT! 
Thirdly, role models are other-focused as opposed to self-focused.

>>CORRECT!
 They are usually active in their communities, freely giving of their time and talents to benefit people.

>>CORRECT!
 Lastly, people admire role models who have ability to overcome a lot of obstacles in life.

>>Lastly, people admire role models who have the ability to overcome a lot of obstacles in life.
 I don\'t think younger people truly admire celebrities as their role models.

>>CORRECT!
 It is because most celebrities have never been living in such lives of role models which I mentioned above. 

>> CORRECT!
As the Ivy League graduate said to us, the younger generations would be just hooked on celebrities for a certain period,

and through the experience they might get mature to become an adult.

>>CORRECT!

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·