homework

2017-03-31 · 첨삭 강사 Sophia

학생이 쓴 원문

It depends on the how much money input the preparation. Before comparing both sides, we need to check some advantages. First, the countries can promote their countries to all over the world. Journal including TV media will release the news about the competition everyday, and people around the world see and hear the name of the country. As a result, people around world would know and be accustomed to the country's name. Second, the competition helps the country develope economy. Because the international competition attracts many tourists so the country can earn a lot of income of tourism. Also, in the process of preparing competition, the government and many firms invest tremendous money, and thus it would make the economy active. However, we consider the cost such as retaining costs of gyms and investment costs. Many countries which convened the competition underwent the deficit from the competition, because of their excessive investments and a reckless plan.

강사 첨삭

HELLO [이름],
Thank you for sharing your opinion about benefits for a country of hosting an international sports competition.
Have a nice day ahead!
Teacher Sophia
Here are your corrections:
It depends on the how much money input the preparation.
>> It depends on how much money a country have to prepare.
Before comparing both sides, we need to check some advantages.
>> CORRECT
First, the countries can promote their countries to all over the world.
>> Firstly, the host country can promote it\'s culture and beautiful sceneries all over the world.
Journal including TV media will release the news about the competition everyday, and people around the world see and hear the name of the country.
>> TV-media will broadcast the competition everyday so the whole world will be familiarized with the host country.
As a result, people around world would know and be accustomed to the country\'s name.
>> As a result, people around the world would know and be accustomed with the country.
Second, the competition helps the country develope economy.
>> Secondly, the competition helps improve the economy of the host country.
Because the international competition attracts many tourists so the country can earn a lot of income of tourism.
>> The international competition attracts tourists to visit the host country that will lead to a higher income for the businesses.
Also, in the process of preparing competition, the government and many firms invest tremendous money, and thus it would make the economy active.
>> Also, the government and other investors will invest a tremendous amount of money that will boost the economy.
However, we consider the cost such as retaining costs of gyms and investment costs.
>> However, we will also consider the costs and the expenditures.
Many countries which convened the competition underwent the deficit from the competition, because of their excessive investments and a reckless plan.
>> There are many countries underwent deficits because of their excessive expenditures and reckless plans.

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