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2017-05-22 · 첨삭 강사 Rose

학생이 쓴 원문

I don't think Koreans are less healthy than they used to be. When I was young, there were almost no sports facilities and no tracks in the public parks in small cities. There only existed school playgrounds and sports facilities for people who wanted jogging and exercising. In fact, few people were into workout everyday. However, most people began to indulge into workout regardless of indoor or outdoor facilities, with many people thoughtful what to eat for their health. Local governments began to be interested in installing sports facilities for their citizens, with local autonomy system established at the early 1990s. Going on a diet, which had been a very strange word until the early 1990s, became popular due to the reason of desiring for beauty and health. Then the number of people who exercise regularly was explosively increased. I doubt Korean youths are more healthy than they used to be, while I think Korean old generations are more healthy than before. Generally speaking, Koreans are becoming more healthy than they used to be.

강사 첨삭

Because of impressive medical innovation and researches, I am so grateful that people can definitely extend their lifespan.
However, people are having a sedentary lifestyle because of computer and junk food addiction.
Thank you for writing this paragraph, Sir!
I don\'t think Koreans are less healthy than they used to be.
>>CORRECT!
When I was young, there were almost no sports facilities and no tracks in the public parks in small cities.
>>CORRECT!
There only existed school playgrounds and sports facilities for people who wanted jogging and exercising.
>> There only existed school playgrounds and sports facilities for people who wanted to jog and exercise.
In fact, few people were into workout everyday.
>>In fact, few people were into everyday workout.
>>In fact, few people were into working out every day.
However, most people began to indulge into workout regardless of indoor or outdoor facilities, with many people thoughtful what to eat for their health.
>>However, most people began to indulge into workout regardless of indoor or outdoor facilities, with many people carefully thinking what to
eat for their health.
Local governments began to be interested in installing sports facilities for their citizens, with local autonomy system established at the early
1990s.
>>CORRECT!
Going on a diet, which had been a very strange word until the early 1990s, became popular due to the reason of desiring for beauty and health.
>> Going on a diet, which had been a very strange word until the early 1990s, became popular due to the desire for beauty and health.
Then the number of people who exercise regularly was explosively increased.
>>CORRECT!
I doubt Korean youths are more healthy than they used to be, while I think Korean old generations are more healthy than before.
>> I doubt Korean youths are healthier than they used to be, while I think old Korean generations are more healthy than before.
Generally speaking, Koreans are becoming more healthy than they used to be.
>> Generally speaking, Koreans are becoming healthier than they used to be.

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