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2017-06-20 · 첨삭 강사 Rose

학생이 쓴 원문

There seems to be many reasons why people want to have whiter skin. People feel like having whiter skin is more beautiful compared to darker skin tones, which definitely depends on a person's preference. The media actually plays a big role in how people think. Since the media could present whiter skin being more beautiful and elegant, the audience tends to keep that idea in mind. Discrimination could also play a significant role in the reason why people want to have lighter colored skin. Whatever the reason may be, the whitening beauty industry has made a tremendous amount of money selling skin whiteners or skin lighteners. However, many skin whiteners contain toxic mercury. Medical science has presented some studies to show several whiteners including cosmetics and pills present certain side effects, such as allergic reactions, cancer causing ingredients, disruption of normal skin functions and physical stress like insomnia, nausea and headaches. One of the most vital effects would be the loss of their ethnic self-esteem. If Michael Jackson had only focused on his music without obsessing with whitening his skin, he could have become a greater musician in the world. Having said that, why do people tanning?

강사 첨삭

Oh, if you could only look around the supermarkets here in our country!

There are multiple aisles of skin whiteners TT

However, Americans tend to drown themselves in tanning lotions TT

Why can\'t people be satisfied?

There seems to be many reasons why people want to have whiter skin.

>>There seem to be many reasons why people want to have whiter skin.
 People feel like having whiter skin is more beautiful compared to darker skin tones, which definitely depends on a person\'s preference.

>> People feel like having whiter skin are more beautiful compared to darker skin tones, which definitely depends on a person\'s preference.
 The media actually plays a big role in how people think.

>>CORRECT!
 Since the media could present whiter skin being more beautiful and elegant, the audience tends to keep that idea in mind.

>>CORRECT!
 Discrimination could also play a significant role in the reason why people want to have lighter colored skin.

>>CORRECT!
 Whatever the reason may be, the whitening beauty industry has made a tremendous amount of money selling skin whiteners or skin lighteners.

>>CORRECT!
 However, many skin whiteners contain toxic mercury.

>>CORRECT!
 Medical science has presented some studies to show several whiteners including cosmetics and pills present certain side effects, such as allergic reactions, cancer causing ingredients, disruption of normal skin functions and physical stress like insomnia, nausea and headaches.

>>CORRECT!
 One of the most vital effects would be the loss of their ethnic self-esteem.

>>CORRECT!
 If Michael Jackson had only focused on his music without obsessing with whitening his skin, he could have become a greater musician

in the world.

>>CORRECT!

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