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2017-06-28 · 첨삭 강사 Rose

학생이 쓴 원문

Facilities of civilization like communication technology and transportation are being developed with a lightening speed. But there are both advantages we are enjoying and disadvantages we are being intruded in this development. To start with, one of advantages of this development is that the borderless world is being materialized, especially for business. What's more, getting to know other ethnic groups and getting touch with other countries might be reducing the possibility of big wars and conflicts in the world. On top of that, people can get a lot of useful information, participate in a decision making process of their country directly reflecting their opinion to policies, and enjoy traveling all over the world. Meanwhile, there are not a few disadvantages in this development such as increasing traffic accidents, intrusion of private life by wiretapping and noise pollution,and being deceived and controlled by fake news. These facilities of civilization also make us busier and more hurried. One of the most serious problems among them could be the fact that people have been losing their ancestors' peaceful or unique lives and cultures.

강사 첨삭

A certain phenomenon will always have its benefits and drawbacks.

The aftermath will definitely depend on the way we approach this.

Thank you for writing this paragraph, Sir!

See you on Friday!

Facilities of civilization like communication technology and transportation are being developed with a lightening speed.

>>Facilities of civilization like communication technology and transportation are being developed with a lightning speed.
But there are both advantages we are enjoying and disadvantages we are being intruded in this development.

>>CORRECT!
To start with, one of advantages of this development is that the borderless world is being materialized, especially for business.

>> To start with, one of the advantages of this development is that the borderless world is being materialized, especially for business.
What\'s more, getting to know other ethnic groups and getting touch with other countries might be reducing the possibility of big wars and conflicts in the world.

>> What\'s more, getting to know other ethnic groups and getting touch with other countries might reduce the possibility of big wars and conflicts in the world.
On top of that, people can get a lot of useful information, participate in a decision making process of their country directly reflecting their opinion to policies, and enjoy traveling all over the world.

>> On top of that, people can get a lot of useful information, participate in a decision-making process of their country directly reflecting their

opinion to policies, and enjoy traveling all over the world.
Meanwhile, there are not a few disadvantages in this development such as increasing traffic accidents, intrusion of private life by wiretapping

and noise pollution, and being deceived and controlled by fake news.

>>CORRECT!
These facilities of civilization also make us busier and more hurried.

>>CORRECT!
One of the most serious problems among them could be the fact that people have been losing their ancestors\' peaceful or unique lives and

cultures.

>>One of the most serious problems among them could be the fact that people have been losing their ancestors\' peaceful or unique lives and

culture.

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