homework
학생이 쓴 원문
강사 첨삭
Thank you very much for doing your homework, [이름]!
Phones are definitely indispensable!
They are really useful, just remember to use them in moderation^^
See you!
I considerably agree that children need to have a mobile phone because the modern society is very danger and complex.
>>I considerably agree that children need to have a mobile phone because the modern society is very dangerous and complex.
First, thesedays kidnap often occurs.
>> First, these days kidnapping often occurs.
If they have a cell phone, it is easier that they could call a help right away than otherwise.
>> If they have a cellphone, it is easier to call help right away.
Second, there are a lot of information.
>> Second, there is a lot of information.
When the children don\'t have a mobile phone, they will have a difficulty with following the world.
>>When children don\'t have a mobile phone, they will have difficulty following the world.
Moreover, there would be having a class with using a mobile phone at school.
>> Moreover, there would be a class using a mobile phone at school.
Finally, they can be taken care of their parents so \'kids phone\' is sold nowadays.
>>CORRECT!
The parents can know where the children are and in addition they can contact with them such as a text message, calling etc.
>>The parents can know where the children are and in addition they can contact them through a text message, calling etc.
Hence, I think children must have a mobile phone to live safely and trendily
>>CORRECT!
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