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2017-08-22 · 첨삭 강사 Sophia

학생이 쓴 원문

Bullying is a big problem in many schools across the world. Bullying and violence in school are not only the big issues for boys but also for girls. About 10 years ago, I watched a movie about schoolgirls' bullying. The movie seemed to heroize them who bullied in school. It was sending wrong signals to juveniles, "Bullying is one of the most meaningful memories all through school years." In fact, a couple of movies and TV dramas in Korea have shown us that they might be romanticizing violence because they need to be made with intriguing plot. However, there are also other causes of juvenile crime except violence in the media. Among them, the main cause should be attributed to a lot of problems in a family such as moral, economic and social problems. A family is the source and root of not only people's happiness but also juvenile delinquency and violence. Therefore, parents and elder siblings should show the children positive values, norms and standards of society. In other words, they should try become a roll model and set an example for the children.

강사 첨삭

HELLO MR. [이름],
Thank you for doing your homework.
Have a nice day ahead!
Teacher Sophia
Here are your corrections:
Bullying is a big problem in many schools across the world.
>> CORRECT 
Bullying and violence in school are not only the big issues for boys but also for girls.
>> CORRECT 
About 10 years ago, I watched a movie about schoolgirls\' bullying.
>> CORRECT 
The movie seemed to heroize them who bullied in school.
>> CORRECT 
It was sending wrong signals to juveniles, \"Bullying is one of the most meaningful memories all through school years.\"
>> CORRECT 
In fact, a couple of movies and TV dramas in Korea have shown us that they might be romanticizing violence because they need to be made with intriguing plot.
>> CORRECT 
However, there are also other causes of juvenile crime except violence in the media.
>> CORRECT 
Among them, the main cause should be attributed to a lot of problems in a family such as moral, economic and social problems. 
>> CORRECT 
A family is the source and root of not only people\'s happiness but also juvenile delinquency and violence.
>> CORRECT 
Therefore, parents and elder siblings should show the children positive values, norms and standards of society.
>> CORRECT 
In other words, they should try become a roll model and set an example for the children.
>> CORRECT 

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