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2017-08-29 · 첨삭 강사 Sophia

학생이 쓴 원문

On last Sunday, a Korean old proverb written on the wall of a restaurant,"Good food is like a restorative," moved me. Many people argue that prevention is better than cure. I agree with the notion. It is sometimes argued that government funding should be spent on preventive measures than treatments. However, I argue that cure and prevention are equally important when it comes to spending money in these areas. The prevention of health problems and illness could be affected by some preconditions such as knowledge about prevention, financial affordability, genes and life style. It is sad to see the long line of the patients waiting for their turn to consult a doctor in developing countries. I believe that not all people could prevent health problems and not all illnesses are preventable. People's health conditions vary in constitution. For an example, if someone was born in very weak constitution stemmed from the parents, he or she would pay more attention to the health problems. What's more, with the scientific advancements, so-called better world is infected with the germs and microbes of different kinds. Despite of a balanced diet, proper sleep, regular physical exercises and well-devised daily routine, we could not prevent all illnesses and diseases. That is why I argue that government funding should equally consider both cure and prevention.

강사 첨삭

HELLO MR. [이름],
Thank you for telling me your opinion about the topic.
Have a nice day ahead!
Teacher Sophia
Here are your corrections:
On last Sunday, a Korean old proverb written on the wall of a restaurant,\"Good food is like a restorative,\" moved me.
>> Last Sunday, a Korean old proverb written on the wall of a restaurant,\"Good food is like a restorative,\" moved me. 
Many people argue that prevention is better than cure.
>> CORRECT 
I agree with the notion.
>> CORRECT 
It is sometimes argued that government funding should be spent on preventive measures than treatments.
>> CORRECT 
However, I argue that cure and prevention are equally important when it comes to spending money in these areas.
>> CORRECT 
The prevention of health problems and illness could be affected by some preconditions such as knowledge about prevention, financial affordability, genes and life style.
>> CORRECT 
It is sad to see the long line of the patients waiting for their turn to consult a doctor in developing countries.
>> CORRECT 
I believe that not all people could prevent health problems and not all illnesses are preventable.
>> CORRECT 
People\'s health conditions vary in constitution.
>> CORRECT 
For an example, if someone was born in very weak constitution stemmed from the parents, he or she would pay more attention to the health problems.
>> CORRECT 
What\'s more, with the scientific advancements, so-called better world is infected with the germs and microbes of different kinds.
>> CORRECT 
Despite of a balanced diet, proper sleep, regular physical exercises and well-devised daily routine, we could not prevent all illnesses and diseases.
>> CORRECT 
That is why I argue that government funding should equally consider both cure and prevention.
>> CORRECT 

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