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학생이 쓴 원문
According to some reports, one in six children in the US is obese and more than 50% of obese children become obese adults.
Who is to blame and who is responsible for this?
I surely believe that they are not the children themselves.
If everyone just took personal responsibility for his or her own weight gain, we wouldn't have to spend a huge amount of money dealing with obesity.
Regardless of age, exercising more and eating less are the best way to keep their proper weight and their good health.
Healthy eating starts at home, so what the parents think of healthy food must be closely related to their children's obesity.
Nowadays, many parents who both have jobs are so busy that they can't cope with their children's weight gain.
Even though both parents are so busy having their jobs, they need to pay attention to their children's choices of foods and drinks.
On top of them, our government couldn't be freed from the responsibility in
terms of making some policies.
The government should implement some strong policies related to controlling fast food restaurants.
And it needs to provide parents with useful information and warning about children's obesity through the media.
However, tackling for children's obesity is especially the responsibility of everyone who lives and works with children such as parents, teachers and school administrations.
강사 첨삭
HELLO MR. [이름],
Thank you for sharing your opinion about this topic.
Have a nice day ahead!
Teacher Sophia ^^
Here are your corrections:
According to some reports, one in six children in the US is obese and more than 50% of obese children become obese adults.
>> CORRECT
Who is to blame and who is responsible for this?
Who is to blame and who is responsible for this?
>> CORRECT
I surely believe that they are not the children themselves.
I surely believe that they are not the children themselves.
>> CORRECT
If everyone just took personal responsibility for his or her own weight gain, we wouldn\'t have to spend a huge amount of money dealing with obesity.
If everyone just took personal responsibility for his or her own weight gain, we wouldn\'t have to spend a huge amount of money dealing with obesity.
>> CORRECT
Regardless of age, exercising more and eating less are the best way to keep their proper weight and their good health.
Regardless of age, exercising more and eating less are the best way to keep their proper weight and their good health.
>> CORRECT
Healthy eating starts at home, so what the parents think of healthy food must be closely related to their children\'s obesity.
Healthy eating starts at home, so what the parents think of healthy food must be closely related to their children\'s obesity.
>> CORRECT
Even though both parents are so busy having their jobs, they need to pay attention to their children\'s choices of foods and drinks.
Even though both parents are so busy having their jobs, they need to pay attention to their children\'s choices of foods and drinks.
>> CORRECT
On top of them, our government couldn\'t be freed from the responsibility in terms of making some policies.
On top of them, our government couldn\'t be freed from the responsibility in terms of making some policies.
>> CORRECT
The government should implement some strong policies related to controlling fast food restaurants.
The government should implement some strong policies related to controlling fast food restaurants.
>> CORRECT
And it needs to provide parents with useful information and warning about children\'s obesity through the media.
And it needs to provide parents with useful information and warning about children\'s obesity through the media.
>> CORRECT
However, tackling for children\'s obesity is especially the responsibility of everyone who lives and works with children such as parents, teachers and school administrations.
However, tackling for children\'s obesity is especially the responsibility of everyone who lives and works with children such as parents, teachers and school administrations.
>> CORRECT
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