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2017-09-07 · 첨삭 강사 Sophia

학생이 쓴 원문

Through my experience of travel and tour, I define tourism can act as a shop window for the lifestyle of the area. Either development and developing countries are showing their naked faces to tourists without any reserve through the shop window. In fact, their now and old history, culture, and sadness and happiness permeate tourism. Tourism generates different type of jobs, new businesses, income and lives for individuals and a community Because tourism is a labor-intensive industry, the benefits are felt quickly and directly through local spending. What's more, tourism makes the government invest into the conservation of cultural heritage and environment as a result of increased awareness and pride. Tourism promoting policies can prompt rural areas lagged behind to be entirely transformed to new ones by establishing and maintaining a lot of facilities related to tourists. It also provides opportunities for residents to interact with other people, lifestyles and cultures. In short, tourism improves the quality of life for individuals and the society.

강사 첨삭

HELLO MR MR. [이름],
Tourism offers multiple benefits to the individuals as well as society. 
At the individual level, tourism opens the gate to the outside world.
People get to see, experience and know what is lying beyond the world they live in.
This, in turn, enriches their knowledge about people, customs and traditions of other places.
Further, tourism also benefits by providing a platform for the people of different places to interact with one another.

Today the world has become a global village.
The process of globalization has brought the people of different places together.
Thy physical boundaries are becoming non-existent. 
In this situation, tourism can expose people to life style of others and, thus broadens their horizon.
So, in future, if the individuals come into contact with others, it becomes easy to adapt due to the previous experience.

From the perspective of society, tourism is a money spinner.
Tourism directly benefits the host country by generating foreign currency. 
Let\'s see how this happens. 
When the foreign tourists come to the host country, they bring the foreign currency like dollars, pounds etc with them.
Later they exchange their currency to get the local currency so that they can spend in the host country. 
As more and more tourists come, the reserve of foreign currency swells and it helps the country in importing the essential goods. 
Besides this, tourism also provides the direct and indirect employment to the people. 
It is common to see several hotels, guides near a tourist place.
In short, tourism is beneficial to all - individuals as well as society.
Teacher Sophia
Here are are your corrections:
Through my experience of travel and tour, I define tourism can act as a shop window for the lifestyle of the area.
>> CORRECT 
Either development and developing countries are showing their naked faces to tourists without any reserve through the shop window.
>> CORRECT 
In fact, their now and old history, culture, and sadness and happiness permeate
tourism.
>> In fact, their old and current history, culture, sadness and happiness permeate tourism.
Tourism generates different type of jobs, new businesses, income and lives for individuals and a community
>> CORRECT 
Because tourism is a labor-intensive industry, the benefits are felt quickly and directly through local spending.
>> CORRECT 
What\'s more, tourism makes the government invest into the conservation of cultural heritage and environment as a result of increased awareness and pride.
>> CORRECT 
Tourism promoting policies can prompt rural areas lagged behind to be entirely transformed to new ones by establishing and maintaining a lot of facilities related to tourists.
>> CORRECT 
It also provides opportunities for residents to interact with other people, lifestyles and cultures. 
>> CORRECT 
In short, tourism improves the quality of life for individuals and the society.
>> CORRECT 

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