HOMEWORK

2017-09-14 · 첨삭 강사 Sophia

학생이 쓴 원문

Both money and free time give us happiness and life satisfaction. Unfairly, there are many happy people who possess both money and free time, while there are also many poor people who have nothing of them in our community. Life satisfaction must be positively related to a certain point of income. Even for clerics, having free time without enough disposable income could not be prioritized. The old generation is accustomed to earning more money with less free time because we had no choice but surviving in the past. Nowadays, the new generation and even the old generation prefer having more free time to earning more money. But that trend represents that most of them already have a certain amount of income. What I am concerned is that those who don't earn enough money are into enjoying more free time in our society. I really hope that the new generation in our community continues to strive to make more money for the time being when they are still young. If I were young, I would bravely challenge to making a great fortune and then spend my spare time and money on more meaningful activities such as volunteering for charity later.

강사 첨삭

HELLO SIR,
Thank you for sharing your opinion with me today.
If I were younger, I will also focus on making a lot of money for the future.
I feel like I\'m old for doing things that I want.
I want to travel. T.T
Anyway, life is too short to be miserable.
Let\'s be happy and let\'s not entertain the negativity of the world. ^^
Have a nice day ahead!
Teacher Sophia
Here are your corrections:
Both money and free time give us happiness and life satisfaction.
>> CORRECT 
Unfairly, there are many happy people who possess both money and free time, while there are also many poor people who have nothing of them in our community.
>> CORRECT 
Life satisfaction must be positively related to a certain point of income.
>> CORRECT 
Even for clerics, having free time without enough disposable income could not be prioritized.
>> CORRECT 
The old generation is accustomed to earning more money with less free time because we had no choice but surviving in the past.
>> CORRECT 
Nowadays, the new generation and even the old generation prefer having more free time to earning more money.
>> CORRECT 
But that trend represents that most of them already have a certain amount of income.
>>  CORRECT 
What I am concerned is that those who don\'t earn enough money are into enjoying more free time in our society.
>> CORRECT 
I really hope that the new generation in our community continues to strive to make more money for the time being when they are still young.
>> CORRECT 
If I were young, I would bravely challenge to making a great fortune and then spend my spare time and money on more meaningful activities such as volunteering for charity later.
>> If I were young, I would bravely challenge to make a great fortune and then spend my spare time and money on more meaningful activities such as volunteering for charity later.

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·