Homework
학생이 쓴 원문
I agree that people put too much value on other people's ideas and actions. There are some cases we should actively care and sometimes judge on other people's ideas. For example, when we cast our vote to president candidates, it's natural and even necessary putting values and judges on those candidates' actions. Because one of the candidate will hold a great power and that person's decision affects many people's lives. However in many other cases, I don't think it's necessary putting much value on others' ideas or actions. If people care too much on other people's ideas and actions, it could work as a social criticism. People care what other people wear or eat and furthermore they judge and criticize others. I personally think so called social diversity is important to make a healthy society. Putting too much value on other people's behaviors and thought is not helpful to maintain the social diversity.
강사 첨삭
Hello there [이름]! ^_^
Thank you for taking the time to write an essay.
I know you\'re busy all the time and I appreciate your effort very much.
I think it is true that people put too much importance on others\' ideas and actions.
So much so that it becomes a societal problem because people tend to use them as societal standards.
In my opinion, putting too much importance on these things is not good.
Anyhow, this is just my point-of-view.
I hope you\'re doing great.
See you again tomorrow.
~Teacher Charry :)
I agree that people put too much value on other people\'s ideas and actions.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> It is true that people put too much value on other people\'s ideas and actions.
There are some cases we should actively care and sometimes judge on other people\'s ideas.
>> There are some cases where we should actively care and sometimes judge other people\'s ideas.
For example, when we cast our vote to president candidates, it\'s natural and even necessary putting values and judges on those candidates\' actions.
>> For example, when we cast our vote for our president candidates, it\'s natural and even necessary to put values and judge those candidates\' actions.
Because one of the candidate will hold a great power and that person\'s decision affects many people\'s lives.
>> This is because one of the candidates will hold a great power and that person\'s decision affects many people\'s lives.
However in many other cases, I don\'t think it\'s necessary putting much value on others\' ideas or actions.
>> However, in many other cases, I don\'t think it\'s necessary to put too much value on others\' ideas or actions.
If people care too much on other people\'s ideas and actions, it could work as a social criticism.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> If people would care too much about other people\'s ideas and actions, it could turn out as a social criticism.
People care what other people wear or eat and furthermore they judge and criticize others.
>> People care about what other people wear or eat and furthermore, they judge and criticize others.
I personally think so called social diversity is important to make a healthy society.
>> I personally think the so called social diversity is important to make a healthy society.
Putting too much value on other people\'s behaviors and thought is not helpful to maintain the social diversity.
>> Putting too much value on other people\'s behaviors and thought is not helpful in maintaining the social diversity.
Thank you for taking the time to write an essay.
I know you\'re busy all the time and I appreciate your effort very much.
I think it is true that people put too much importance on others\' ideas and actions.
So much so that it becomes a societal problem because people tend to use them as societal standards.
In my opinion, putting too much importance on these things is not good.
Anyhow, this is just my point-of-view.
I hope you\'re doing great.
See you again tomorrow.
~Teacher Charry :)
I agree that people put too much value on other people\'s ideas and actions.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> It is true that people put too much value on other people\'s ideas and actions.
There are some cases we should actively care and sometimes judge on other people\'s ideas.
>> There are some cases where we should actively care and sometimes judge other people\'s ideas.
For example, when we cast our vote to president candidates, it\'s natural and even necessary putting values and judges on those candidates\' actions.
>> For example, when we cast our vote for our president candidates, it\'s natural and even necessary to put values and judge those candidates\' actions.
Because one of the candidate will hold a great power and that person\'s decision affects many people\'s lives.
>> This is because one of the candidates will hold a great power and that person\'s decision affects many people\'s lives.
However in many other cases, I don\'t think it\'s necessary putting much value on others\' ideas or actions.
>> However, in many other cases, I don\'t think it\'s necessary to put too much value on others\' ideas or actions.
If people care too much on other people\'s ideas and actions, it could work as a social criticism.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> If people would care too much about other people\'s ideas and actions, it could turn out as a social criticism.
People care what other people wear or eat and furthermore they judge and criticize others.
>> People care about what other people wear or eat and furthermore, they judge and criticize others.
I personally think so called social diversity is important to make a healthy society.
>> I personally think the so called social diversity is important to make a healthy society.
Putting too much value on other people\'s behaviors and thought is not helpful to maintain the social diversity.
>> Putting too much value on other people\'s behaviors and thought is not helpful in maintaining the social diversity.
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