Homework

2017-10-10 · 첨삭 강사 Charry

학생이 쓴 원문

Being so called harmonious with other people is generally required at least in Korean society. The way to be harmonious with the rest of people is usually to fit in the existing system. It's necessary to live in a society with other people. Sharing same criteria of politeness, having similar standard of deciding what's good and what's not good help to maintain this society. However there are cases being unique and different is needed rather than following common rules. Because some ideas change the society in good way come from unique thoughts and challenges. If a society emphasizes following common rules too much, it sometimes becomes a restriction to be unique and different. Every society needs both stability and chance to be changed. Therefore finding the balance point between to fit in and to be unique and different is an important thing.

강사 첨삭

Hi, [이름]! 
Wow! We are once again progressing towards the middle of the week. 
To be honest, I can\'t wait for the weekend. kkk. 
Thank you for writing this essay. 
I think fitting in is good but being different and unique is better. 
The society is a very crude judge so we should stick to it\'s standards and requirements. 
Most of the time, the most creative and best people are the bizarre and unique ones. 
I hope you\'re not afraid of being different. ^_^
Have a great day ahead. 
See you tomorrow. 
~Teacher Charry :)
Being so called harmonious with other people is generally required at least in Korean society. 
>> Being so called harmonious with other people is generally required at least in the Korean society. 
The way to be harmonious with the rest of people is usually to fit in the existing system. 
>> The way to be harmonious with the rest of the people is usually to fit in the existing system. 
It\'s necessary to live in a society with other people. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> It is very much needed to live in a society with others. 
Sharing same criteria of politeness, having similar standard of deciding what\'s good and what\'s not good help to maintain this society. 
>> Sharing the same criteria of politeness and having a similar standard of deciding what\'s good and what\'s not good help to maintain this society.
However there are cases being unique and different is needed rather than following common rules. 
>> However, there are unique cases and a different approach is needed rather than following common rules. 
Because some ideas change the society in good way come from unique thoughts and challenges. 
>> This is because some ideas which come from unique thoughts and challenges change the society in good way. 
If a society emphasizes following common rules too much, it sometimes becomes a restriction to be unique and different. 
>> If a society emphasizes following common rules too much, it sometimes becomes a restriction in becoming unique and different.
Every society needs both stability and chance to be changed. 
>> Every society needs both stability and a chance to be changed.
Therefore finding the balance point between to fit in and to be unique and different is an important thing.
>> Therefore, finding the balance point between fitting in and being unique and different is an important thing.

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