Homework
학생이 쓴 원문
I agree that Korean society is too competitive. I don't think this is a good thing. Because this competitiveness is a result of lack of diversity. Korean society sets so called 'desirable goals' about almost everything. I don't think every people should go to college because there are many fine and necessary jobs which don't need college degree. However if children declare that they don't want to go to a college, that would be a serious problem in that family. This is why almost every Korean students don't have any other dream or goal but want to enter good colleges. This kind of pre-set narrow goals are found after children become adults. This society doesn't need that many specialized jobs but people are forced to be in the competition to get those jobs. I think this tendency makes serious imbalance between social areas and is waste of energy. In my opinion, Korean society should accept diversities and respect individuals' choice and this will help to reduce the competitions.
강사 첨삭
Hi there [이름]! :)
Is your Wednesday going well?
Is your Wednesday going well?
I hope it is.
I am really amazed with this essay.
You\'ve pointed out your opinion quite well.
I think competition is good but not all the time.
This can actually yield to bad results when abused.
Instead of competing with others, we should constantly compete with our older selves.
That way, we would be inspired to do better not for other people but for ourselves.
Anyhow, I\'ll see you again tomorrow.
Take care always.
~Teacher Charry
I agree that Korean society is too competitive. >> CORRECT!
OR >> It is true that (the) Korean society is too competitive.
I don\'t think this is a good thing.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> In my opinion, this is not good.
Because this competitiveness is a result of lack of diversity.
>> It\'s because this competitiveness is a result of lack of diversity.
Korean society sets so called \'desirable goals\' about almost everything.
>> The Korean society sets the so called \'desirable goals\' about almost everything.
I don\'t think every people should go to college because there are many fine and necessary jobs which don\'t need college degree.
>> I don\'t think every person should go to college because there are many fine and necessary jobs which don\'t need a college degree.
However if children declare that they don\'t want to go to a college, that would be a serious problem in that family.
>> However, if children declare that they don\'t want to go to a college, that would be a serious problem in that family.
This is why almost every Korean students don\'t have any other dream or goal but want to enter good colleges.
>> This is why almost every Korean student doesn\'t have any other dream or goal other than to enter good colleges.
This kind of pre-set narrow goals are found after children become adults.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> This pre-set narrow goals can be observed after children become adults.
This society doesn\'t need that many specialized jobs but people are forced to be in the competition to get those jobs.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> This society is not really in need of a lot of specialized jobs but people are forced to be in the competition to get those jobs.
I think this tendency makes serious imbalance between social areas and is waste of energy.
>> I think this tendency makes serious imbalance between social areas and is a waste of energy.
In my opinion, Korean society should accept diversities and respect individuals\' choice and this will help to reduce the competitions.
>> In my opinion, the Korean society should accept diversities and respect individuals\' choice and this will help to reduce the competitions.
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