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2017-10-23 · 첨삭 강사 Sophia

학생이 쓴 원문

What the role of parents should be and how parents have to raise their kids must be very difficult questions to quickly answer. Some parents argue that they prefer their strict and active role for their children to their loose and passive one. For poor and unable parents, anything but supporting clothes, meals and a shelter to their kids might be luxurious because they are already tired of trying to survive. However, we need to pay attention to the animal kingdom. Even animals give birth to their babies, raise, protect and teach them how to survive. In the world, there are too many disqualified parents who are worse than animals. The able parents naturally nurture, protect, teach and discipline their children and foster the best environment to grow up in for them. I hope to be a parent who send my children to the prestigious kinder garden, elementary and secondary school in order to offer the quality education and extended networks to my kids. I hope my kids read thousands of valuable books from a toddler if possible. During the vacation, I will make my children have a part-time job and travel across the world in order to let them acknowledge the real world. I hope to be their role model, guardian, supporter, guide, mentor and friend, not their intruder, leader, meddler and even teacher.

강사 첨삭

HELLO MR. [이름],
Thank you for sharing your opinion with me.
Have a nice day ahead!
Teacher Sophia
Here are your corrections:
What the role of parents should be and how parents have to raise their kids must be very difficult questions to quickly answer.
>> CORRECT 
Some parents argue that they prefer their strict and active role for their children to their loose and passive one. 
>> CORRECT 
For poor and unable parents, anything but supporting clothes, meals and a shelter to their kids might be luxurious because they are already tired of trying to survive.
>> CORRECT 
However, we need to pay attention to the animal kingdom.
>> CORRECT 
Even animals give birth to their babies, raise, protect and teach them how to survive. 
>> CORRECT 
In the world, there are too many disqualified parents who are worse than animals.
>> CORRECT 
The able parents naturally nurture, protect, teach and discipline their children and foster the best environment to grow up in for them.
>> CORRECT  
I hope to be a parent who send my children to the prestigious kinder garden, elementary and secondary school in order to offer the quality education and extended networks to my kids. 
>> CORRECT 
I hope my kids read thousands of valuable books from a toddler if possible.
>> CORRECT 
During the vacation, I will make my children have a part-time job and travel across the world in order to let them acknowledge the real world.
>> CORRECT 
I hope to be their role model, guardian, supporter, guide, mentor and friend, not their intruder, leader, meddler and even teacher.
>> CORRECT 

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