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2017-10-30 · 첨삭 강사 Charry

학생이 쓴 원문

An ideal size of family is different in every society. At least in current Korean society, small family has more advantage than large family. In industrialized society, man power doesn't give a guarantee of income. Well educated white collar worker might earn more money than many blue collar workers here in Korea. In many cases, those white collar workers spent much more time in school and they needed more time to be prepared before they started their own work. Most common families can't afford money for education if they have many children. Naturally nuclear families consisting with parents and one or two children become a common form of families in this society. However if a society is focusing on agriculture or other kind of labor intensive industry, large family with many children would have more benefit than small size family. Therefore I don't think so called an ideal family type is same in all societies.

강사 첨삭

Hello, [이름]! 
Happy Monday to you! I miss you! ^_^
Thank you for spending some time to write an essay for today. 
I think you\'re right when you said the size of a family depends on the type of a society and and it\'s economic standing. 
I personally prefer a small family because if I have a big one, it would be more difficult for me to look after my kids.
Anyhow, I hope you\'re doing great. 
See you tomorrow in class. 
~Teacher Charry :)
An ideal size of family is different in every society. 
>> The ideal size of a family is different in every society. 
At least in current Korean society, small family has more advantage than large family. 
>> At least in the current Korean society, a small family has more advantage than a large family.
In industrialized society, man power doesn\'t give a guarantee of income. 
>> In an industrialized society, man power doesn\'t (give a) guarantee (of) income.
Well educated white collar worker might earn more money than many blue collar workers here in Korea. 
>> A well educated white collar worker might earn more money than many blue collar workers here in Korea. 
In many cases, those white collar workers spent much more time in school and they needed more time to be prepared before they started their own work. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> In most instances, white collar workers sped much more time in school and spend more time preparing before they start working in companies. 
Most common families can\'t afford money for education if they have many children. 
>> Most common families can\'t afford to spend money for education if they have many children.
Naturally nuclear families consisting with parents and one or two children become a common form of families in this society. 
>> Naturally, nuclear families consisting of parents and one or two children become a common form of family in this society. 
However if a society is focusing on agriculture or other kind of labor intensive industry, large family with many children would have more benefit than small size family. 
>> However, if a society is focusing on agriculture or other kinds of labor intensive industry, a large family with many children would have more benefit than a small-sized family. 
Therefore I don\'t think so called an ideal family type is same in all societies.
>> Therefore, I don\'t think the so called an ideal family type is the same in all societies.

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