Homework
학생이 쓴 원문
I think paternity leave is not just a good thing but a necessary system. In the past, raising children was considered as women's job. Fathers didn't get blamed even though they didn't participate into child rearing. Now a days, the situation is changed and now a days, women also have their own job. However raising children is still considered as women's work even when women also work and earn daily breads like men. It's really hard to do both work and raise children so eventually many women quit their career after they gave birth. I think paternity leave can change the concept of major role in child rearing. Paternity leave admits fathers also should participate into raising children and give a practical chance to do that. It's unfair to put every burdens about raising children only to women and men should do it together. Furthermore, paternity leave will help children to build a bond with their father so this system is also beneficial to fathers.
강사 첨삭
Hi, [이름]!
Your opinions about this matter were precise and on-point.
I also agree that fathers have a role in child-rearing.
Fathers also deserve to go on paternity leave because like mothers, they also have the role of taking care of their babies.
Anyhow, I hope you\'re doing great.
See you tomorrow.
~Teacher Charry ^_^
I think paternity leave is not just a good thing but a necessary system.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> In my opinion, paternity leave is not just a good thing but a necessary system.
In the past, raising children was considered as women\'s job.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> Before, raising children was considered as women\'s job.
Fathers didn\'t get blamed even though they didn\'t participate into child rearing.
>> Fathers didn\'t get blamed even though they didn\'t participate in child rearing.
Now a days, the situation is changed and now a days, women also have their own job.
>> Nowadays, the situation is changed and nowadays, women also have their own job.
However raising children is still considered as women\'s work even when women also work and earn daily breads like men.
>> However raising children is still considered as women\'s work even when women also work and earn daily bread like men.
It\'s really hard to do both work and raise children so eventually many women quit their career after they gave birth.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> It\'s actually quite difficult to balance work and taking care of children so many women eventually quit their career after they gave birth.
I think paternity leave can change the concept of major role in child rearing.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> The way I see it, paternity leave can change the concept of major role in child rearing.
Paternity leave admits fathers also should participate into raising children and give a practical chance to do that.
>> Paternity leave admits that fathers also should participate in raising their children and gives a practical chance to do that.
It\'s unfair to put every burdens about raising children only to women and men should do it together.
>> It\'s unfair to put every burden about raising children only to women so both parents should do it together.
Furthermore, paternity leave will help children to build a bond with their father so this system is also beneficial to fathers.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> In addition, paternity leave will help children to build a bond with their father so this system is also helpful to fathers.
Your opinions about this matter were precise and on-point.
I also agree that fathers have a role in child-rearing.
Fathers also deserve to go on paternity leave because like mothers, they also have the role of taking care of their babies.
Anyhow, I hope you\'re doing great.
See you tomorrow.
~Teacher Charry ^_^
I think paternity leave is not just a good thing but a necessary system.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> In my opinion, paternity leave is not just a good thing but a necessary system.
In the past, raising children was considered as women\'s job.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> Before, raising children was considered as women\'s job.
Fathers didn\'t get blamed even though they didn\'t participate into child rearing.
>> Fathers didn\'t get blamed even though they didn\'t participate in child rearing.
Now a days, the situation is changed and now a days, women also have their own job.
>> Nowadays, the situation is changed and nowadays, women also have their own job.
However raising children is still considered as women\'s work even when women also work and earn daily breads like men.
>> However raising children is still considered as women\'s work even when women also work and earn daily bread like men.
It\'s really hard to do both work and raise children so eventually many women quit their career after they gave birth.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> It\'s actually quite difficult to balance work and taking care of children so many women eventually quit their career after they gave birth.
I think paternity leave can change the concept of major role in child rearing.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> The way I see it, paternity leave can change the concept of major role in child rearing.
Paternity leave admits fathers also should participate into raising children and give a practical chance to do that.
>> Paternity leave admits that fathers also should participate in raising their children and gives a practical chance to do that.
It\'s unfair to put every burdens about raising children only to women and men should do it together.
>> It\'s unfair to put every burden about raising children only to women so both parents should do it together.
Furthermore, paternity leave will help children to build a bond with their father so this system is also beneficial to fathers.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> In addition, paternity leave will help children to build a bond with their father so this system is also helpful to fathers.
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