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2017-11-20 · 첨삭 강사 Sophia

학생이 쓴 원문

What's one thing you could never live without and why? There are certainly a lot of things I could never live without them such as air, water, food and so forth. Except those essential in the lives of animals, people's answers to the question would vary from physical things like a smartphone to abstract things like music. To tell the truth, I could never live without my family. The family is one of the most valuable things for me in the world. The family means a lot to me, so it is alpha and omega in my life. I was born in my former family, I became to belong to my new family, and now I have a close relationship with my another new family members including my daughter-in-law. If I died, I would be forgotten by the new family members who I would have never met. Therefore, my family has lived with me so far and will live with me as long as I am alive. My life began with my family and will end while my family is keeping eye on me. That's why I am able to sacrifice myself for my family and vice versa. That's why my family deserves to be devoted endlessly. We have to expand the notion of 'family' to others in order to make our community happy.

강사 첨삭

HELLO MR. [이름],
I was touched while reading your essay.
Thank you for sharing this with me.
I couldn\'t never live without my family too especially without my little girl.
She is everything to me. 
Let\'s discuss more of this things in our class.
Have a nice day ahead!
Teacher Sophia
Here are your corrections:
What\'s one thing you could never live without and why?
>> CORRECT 
There are certainly a lot of things I could never live without them such as air, water, food and so forth.
>> CORRECT 
Except those essential in the lives of animals, people\'s answers to the question would vary from physical things like a smartphone to abstract things like music.
>> CORRECT 
To tell the truth, I could never live without my family.
>> CORRECT 
The family is one of the most valuable things for me in the world.
>> CORRECT 
The family means a lot to me, so it is alpha and omega in my life.
>> CORRECT 
I was born in my former family, I became to belong to my new family, and now I have a close relationship with my another new family members including my daughter-in-law. 
>> CORRECT 
If I died, I would be forgotten by the new family members who I would have never met.
>> If I die,  I would be forgotten by the new family members who I would have never met. 
Therefore, my family has lived with me so far and will live with me as long as I am alive.
>> CORRECT 
My life began with my family and will end while my family is keeping eye on me.
>> CORRECT 
That\'s why I am able to sacrifice myself for my family and vice versa.
>> CORRECT 
That\'s why my family deserves to be devoted endlessly.
>> CORRECT 
We have to expand the notion of \'family\' to others in order to make our community happy.
>> >> CORRECT 

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