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2017-11-29 · 첨삭 강사 Sophia

학생이 쓴 원문

There are two kinds of new cities in Korea: one is a well planned city from the beginning, the other is an unplanned city formed by urban sprawl. The latter has a lot of problems, with the population of the city explosively growing as people move there to find work and new opportunities. First of all, the natural environment would be destructed and contaminated. There could be no more clean brook and pathway, no more fresh air, no more picturesque scenery, and no more country life. On top of that, several kinds of crimes and accidents come with a rush. There would be more souse pots fooling around, more car accidents, more murders, more frauds, more gangsters and more sexual crimes. Lastly, we could witness loss of humanity. There could be more selfishness and more mammonism instead of warm heart out there. How can these problems be solved? Citizens have to elect a smart, conscientious and experienced mayor and keep on eye on what he or she is doing. Smart citizens have to form a lot of NGOs and pursuit the city's administration continuously.

강사 첨삭

HELLO MR. [이름],
I agree with you. 
It\'s not easy to solve all the problems.
The best solution is to really elect a smart leader.
Have a nice day ahead!
Teacher Sophia
Here are your corrections:
There are two kinds of new cities in Korea: one is a well planned city from the beginning, the other is an unplanned city formed by urban sprawl.
>> CORRECT 
The latter has a lot of problems, with the population of the city explosively growing as people move there to find work and new opportunities.
>> CORRECT 
First of all, the natural environment would be destructed and contaminated.
>> CORRECT 
There could be no more clean brook and pathway, no more fresh air, no more picturesque scenery, and no more country life.
>> CORRECT 
On top of that, several kinds of crimes and accidents come with a rush.
>> CORRECT 
There w
ould be more souse pots fooling around, more car accidents, more murders, more frauds, more gangsters and more sexual crimes.
>> CORRECT 
Lastly, we could witness loss of humanity.
>> CORRECT 
There could be more selfishness and more mammonism instead of warm heart out there.
>> CORRECT 
How can these problems be solved?
>> CORRECT 
Citizens have to elect a smart, conscientious and experienced mayor and keep on eye on what he or she is doing.
>> CORRECT 
Smart citizens have to form a lot of NGOs and pursuit the city\'s administration continuously.
>> CORRECT 

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