HOMEWORK
학생이 쓴 원문
Recently, tremendous harmful sites in the Internet and smartphones have been inundated and young children easily exposed to them have been damaged physically and mentally.
Young children are so fragile , sensitive and immature that they have to be protected, guided and advised properly from the sites until they become adults.
Adolescence is the period when they should accumulate a lot of constructive knowledge, experience and healthy friendship.
However, unsupervised access to the Internet and smartphones is very dangerous because the sites are too impulsive, addictive and unhealthy for youths to discern what to be right or bad.
A seedling can not grow up as a gigantic tree without supervising, protecting and nurturing it appropriately.
How can these problem be solved?
Grand parents have to be engaged in supervising their grand children due to their parents tend to be busier than before for a living.
Furthermore, parents have to give them a lot of opportunities to know how many wonderful things there are in the world, such as camping, traveling, participating in sports and going on field trips for salutary activities.
What's more, inviting their friends home and concerning about their healthy friendship would also be helpful for parents to solve the problems.
Showing parents praying for them is surely one of the best ways to prevent them from the harmful sites.
강사 첨삭
HELLO MR. [이름],
Thank you for sharing your idea with me.
I agree with you.
The old people should give a good example to the younger generation.
Have a nice day!
Teacher Sophia
Here are your corrections:
Recently, tremendous harmful sites in the Internet and smartphones have been inundated and young children easily exposed to them have been damaged physically and mentally.
>> CORRECT
Young children are so fragile , sensitive and immature that they have to be protected, guided and advised properly from the sites until they become adults.
Young children are so fragile , sensitive and immature that they have to be protected, guided and advised properly from the sites until they become adults.
>> CORRECT
Adolescence is the period when they should accumulate a lot of constructive knowledge, experience and healthy friendship.
Adolescence is the period when they should accumulate a lot of constructive knowledge, experience and healthy friendship.
>> CORRECT
However, unsupervised access to the Internet and smartphones is very dangerous because the sites are too impulsive, addictive and unhealthy for youths to discern what to be right or bad.
However, unsupervised access to the Internet and smartphones is very dangerous because the sites are too impulsive, addictive and unhealthy for youths to discern what to be right or bad.
>> CORRECT
A seedling can not grow up as a gigantic tree without supervising, protecting and nurturing it appropriately.
A seedling can not grow up as a gigantic tree without supervising, protecting and nurturing it appropriately.
>> CORRECT
How can these problem be solved?
How can these problem be solved?
>> CORRECT
Grand parents have to be engaged in supervising their grand children due to their parents tend to be busier than before for a living.
Grand parents have to be engaged in supervising their grand children due to their parents tend to be busier than before for a living.
>> CORRECT
Furthermore, parents have to give them a lot of opportunities to know how many wonderful things there are in the world, such as camping, traveling, participating in sports and going on field trips for salutary activities.
Furthermore, parents have to give them a lot of opportunities to know how many wonderful things there are in the world, such as camping, traveling, participating in sports and going on field trips for salutary activities.
>> CORRECT
More, inviting their friends home and concerning about their healthy friendship would also be helpful for parents to solve the problems.
>> CORRECT
Showing parents praying for them is surely one of the best ways to prevent them from the harmful sites.
Showing parents praying for them is surely one of the best ways to prevent them from the harmful sites.
>> CORRECT
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