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2017-12-20 · 첨삭 강사 Charry

학생이 쓴 원문

I totally agree that our lives are measured by our deeds. When I was young, I thought elders are wise and generous but now I don't think like that anymore. I can even use myself as an example that not all elders are better than younger people. When I was young, especially when I was in early twenties, I thought I would be a better person if I become 30 years old. I especially thought like that when I made stupid mistakes and hoped I would not be stupid anymore and not make similar stupid decisions. However, I found out myself still doing exactly same things. All we need to get old is surviving so getting old doesn't guarantee that people can be better than before. If people don't care about how they will make their own lives, they will stay in same status forever. This is why I think people's lives are measured by their deeds.

강사 첨삭

Hi, [이름]!

This is an exceptional essay.

I love your point-of-view about it.

A person can be old and still not become mature.

I agree that our lives are measured by our deeds and not our years.

I hope you\'re doing great.

See you tomorrow.

~ Teacher Charry ^_^

I totally agree that our lives are measured by our deeds.

>> CORRECT!

OR >> It is true that our lives are measured by our deeds.

When I was young, I thought elders are wise and generous but now I don\'t think like that anymore.

>> CORRECT!

OR >> When I was younger, I thought elders are wise and generous but I don\'t see it that way anymore.

I can even use myself as an example that not all elders are better than younger people.

>> CORRECT!

OR >> I can even use myself as an example and prove that not all elders are better than younger people.

When I was young, especially when I was in early twenties, I thought I would be a better person if I become 30 years old.

>> CORRECT!

OR >> When I was in my early twenties, I thought I would be a better person if I become 30 years old.

I especially thought like that when I made stupid mistakes and hoped I would not be stupid anymore and not make similar stupid decisions.

>> CORRECT!

OR >> I especially thought of that when I made stupid mistakes and hoped that I would not be stupid anymore and not make similar stupid decisions.

However, I found out myself still doing exactly same things.

>> However, I found myself still doing exactly same things.

All we need to get old is surviving so getting old doesn\'t guarantee that people can be better than before.

>> All we need to get old is to survive so getting old doesn\'t guarantee that people can be better than before.

If people don\'t care about how they will make their own lives, they will stay in same status forever.

>> If people don\'t care about how they will make their own lives, they will stay in the same status forever.

This is why I think people\'s lives are measured by their deeds.

>> CORRECT!

OR >> That\'s the reason why I think people\'s lives are measured by their deeds.

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