homework
학생이 쓴 원문
I personally believe that we can learn a lot experience when I paid work.
Because when I was younger, I only went to school and read a book and play with my friends. And then I graduated the school I had to go to university, But I couldn\'t anything in the society in korea because I just was a student. and these days I have to work in army camp and I do paid work now. and I got a lot of experience from the work.
for example, I met who different kinds of people, I can had a good dinner when I want to.
By the time I think that it is vert importand for me.
강사 첨삭
Hi [이름]!
Please avoid starting your sentences with conjunctions like \"because\", \"but\" and \"and.\"
Also be careful of your sentence patterns.
The flow must be smoother.
I want you to focus on this matter.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
I personally believe that we can learn a lot experience when I paid work.
>> I personally believe that we can gain a lot of experience through paid work.Because when I was younger, I only went to school and read a book and play with my friends.
>> When I was younger, I only went to school, read books and played with my friends.
And then I graduated the school I had to go to university,
>> I graduated from high school and then I entered a university.
But I couldn\'t anything in the society in korea because I just was a student.
>> I really couldn\'t make a difference in the society of Korea because I was just a student.
and these days I have to work in army camp and I do paid work now.
>> These days, I work in an army camp where I do get paid.
and I got a lot of experience from the work.
>> I also get a lot of experience from this job.
for example, I met who different kinds of people, I can had a good dinner when I want to.
>> For example, I meet different kinds of people and I can have dinner with them anytime.
By the time I think that it is vert importand for me.
>> I also get a lot of experience from this job.
for example, I met who different kinds of people, I can had a good dinner when I want to.
>> For example, I meet different kinds of people and I can have dinner with them anytime.
By the time I think that it is vert importand for me.
>> That time, I thought that it was very important to me.
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