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2019-08-12 · 첨삭 강사 Jeny

학생이 쓴 원문

Common case in Korea, average salary of guys is higher than girls since they do not distinguish making money even if it is dirty, danger, difficult and overtime work. And man can’t feed milk their children because it’s impossible for man in physically. At least two reasons make mother needs to give their job up to stay at home with her children. In my opinion, gender is not important for raising their kids up. The important thing is the ability which is better to take care of them or makes money more than another spouse to support their family financially. In the past, woman did not have chance to learn something. So they didn’t know how to make money a lot. On the other hands, they are living in the fair century so they became knowledgeable and well-studied nowadays. Thus, many women have been getting better abilities more than guys, and there are powdered type milk which can feed babies without mother. As the result, I don\'t think only mother needs to give up her job for their kids.

강사 첨삭

Hello [이름]!
If you do have the opportunity move on with learning English make a
step forward for you to develop your skills. This would give an overwhelming satisfaction
in communicating with other people.
You just have to do what s right and have a big smile on your face.
T. Jeny

Common case in Korea, average salary of guys is higher than girls since they do not distinguish making money even if it is dirty, danger, difficult and overtime work.
>>It is a common case in Korea that the average salary for guys is higher than girls since they can do 3D jobs and work overtime.
And man can’t feed milk their children because it’s impossible for man in physically.
>>Man can\'t breastfeed their children.
At least two reasons make mother needs to give their job up to stay at home with her children.
>>For these reasons, mothers give up their jobs and stay at home with their children.
In my opinion, gender is not important for raising their kids up.
>>correct
The important thing is the ability which is better to take care of them or makes money more than another spouse to support their family financially.
>> The important thing is the ability who could better take care of their children or who could make more money to support their family financially.
In the past, woman did not have chance to learn something.
>>In the past, the woman did not have the chance to learn something.
So they didn’t know how to make money a lot.
>> So they don’t know how to make more money.
On the other hands, they are living in the fair century so they became knowledgeable and well-studied nowadays.
>>On the other hand, they are living in a generation where equality reigns so they became knowledgeable and well-studied
nowadays.
Thus, many women have been getting better abilities more than guys, and there are powdered type milk which can feed babies without mother.
>>Thus, many women have been getting better abilities more than guys, and there are powdered types of milk which can feed babies without their mothers.
As the result, I don\'t think only mother needs to give up her job for their kids.
>>As a result, I don\'t think only mothers need to give up her job for their kids.

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