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2019-08-20 · 첨삭 강사 Jeny

학생이 쓴 원문

About the age of 21, I needed to go to army due to the duty must be taken. I searched the internet to select when I would start. January is the best to take it since it will discharge from its duty next December and I can go back to university directly. While I was choosing the date, I could have 6 to 7 choices. If I divide it, it can be distinguished 3 types of category. Army training center, Army division, and Replacement depot. When I saw three of type, 102 Replacement depot was the best choice to me because power of the name was weaker than the other two types when I heard that. However, when I entered the army, I realized it was the worst choice since all of the solders would have to take their duty in Gangwon province. While I was taking the service, I had plenty of training to protect our country gotten. Although I got hard time during that, it is helpful to me when I face suffering. It\'s because I keep remind to brainwash myself that the thing isn\'t hard as much as the army.

강사 첨삭

Hello [이름]
Great job!!!
I can see you\'re trying hard to learn. Your discipline is good, keep it up. Keep applying in your daily life what you learn everyday. Knowledge will give you power. Power will give the confidence that you need. You can do it, if others can, so can you. Enjoy your day! ^^
T. Jeny

About the age of 21, I needed to go to army due to the duty must be taken.
>>About the age of 21, I needed to go to the army for it was mandatory.
I searched the internet to select when I would start.
>>I searched on the internet to select when I would start.
January is the best to take it since it will discharge from its duty next December and I can go back to university directly.
>>January is the best time to take it since I will be discharged next December thus I can immediately go back to the university.
While I was choosing the date, I could have 6 to 7 choices.
>>When I was choosing the date, I had 6 to 7 choices.
If I divide it, it can be distinguished 3 types of category.
>>So if I divide it, there will be 3 categories.
Army training center, Army division, and Replacement depot.
>>correct
When I saw three of type, 102 Replacement depot was the best choice to me because power of the name was weaker than the other two types when I heard that.
>> When I saw the three types, 102 Replacement depot was the best choice for me because the intensity of the name was the weakest among the three types.
However, when I entered the army, I realized it was the worst choice since all of the soldiers would have to take their duty in Gangwon province.
>>correct
While I was taking the service, I had plenty of training to protect our country gotten.
>> While I was taking the service, I\'ve gotten pieces of training to protect the country.
Although I got hard time during that, it is helpful to me when I face suffering.
>>Although it was hard at that time, it helped me endure sufferings.
It\'s because I keep remind to brainwash myself that the thing isn\'t hard as much as the army.
>>Because I brainwashed myself that it wasn\'t hard compared to the army.

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