HOMEWORK:
학생이 쓴 원문
I agree with their opinion. Even though I know that supermarket is playing an increasingly more important and strong in some countries of human well-being life by convenience of supermarket. I watched a lot of situation that local businesses were disappeared by supermarkets. Supermarkets also can make many job positions, but not like local businesses. Furthermore, supermarkets are usually offered delivery services as well. Even so, many people can order in their house and don\'t need to go out. As a result, many people who serves local businesses are losing their chance to selling their products by internet shopping mall as like Amazon. Consequently, local communities are dying with local businesses inevitably. So, we should find the best way to survive local businesses are to exist with local communities.
강사 첨삭
Hi [이름]!
Please take note of sentence structure and grammar corrections.
Please practice the application of the rules.
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~~ Teacher Sharon
I agree with their opinion.
>> Correct
Even though I know that supermarket is playing an increasingly more important and strong in some countries of human well-being life by convenience of supermarket.
>> Supermarkets are playing a more important role in many countries because it improves the people\'s quality of life.
I watched a lot of situation that local businesses were disappeared by supermarkets.
>> I saw a lot of instances when businesses are pushed out by supermarkets.
Supermarkets also can make many job positions, but not like local businesses.
>> Supermarkets can also offer a number of job opportunities, which is not the case for local businesses.
Furthermore, supermarkets are usually offered delivery services as well.
>> Furthermore, supermarkets usually offer delivery services.
Even so, many people can order in their house and don\'t need to go out.
>> Because of this, many people can order from their houses and they wouldn\'t need to go out.
As a result, many people who serves local businesses are losing their chance to selling their products by internet shopping mall as like Amazon.
>> As a result, many people who operate local businesses are losing their chance to sell their products through internet shopping malls like Amazon.
Consequently, local communities are dying with local businesses inevitably.
>> Consequently, local communities are inevitably dying with local businesses.
So, we should find the best way to survive local businesses are to exist with local communities.
>> So, we should find the best way to help local businesses survive and to exist with local communities.
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