homework_about cosmetic surgery

2010-11-12 · 첨삭 강사 Connie

학생이 쓴 원문

If you have the chance to get a cosmetic surgery for FREE, would you do it? Why, or why not? If you do, which part of your body would you change and why? 1. Absolutely No. First of all, I'm so scared of surgery. And there are many bad side effects reported to medical world. If the cosmetic surgery is not for medical purpose, I don't need it. Despite of "For FREE". 2. If I change a part of my body, I wanna regain my sight. (I have -4.5 Diopter in both eyes. I can't watch anything without glasses) I wanna recieve LASIK eye surgery but many bad side effects are reported, If the LASIK eye surgery is verified, I wanna do LASIK. But It takes over ten years to verify safety. So I have to wear glasses at least for 2~3 years from now.

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름]!

Good composition!

Most of your sentences just have itsy-bitsy errors so just take a look at the  corrections below and take note of them.

If you have the chance to get a cosmetic surgery for FREE, would you do it? Why, or why not? If you do, which part of your body would you change and why?

Absolutely No.

>>Absolutely not.

First of all, I'm so scared of surgery.

>>Correct
And there are many bad side effects reported to medical world.

>> And there are many side effects reported in the medical world.
If the cosmetic surgery is not for medical purpose, I don't need it.

>> If it’s not for medical purposes, I don’t need it.

Despite of "For FREE".

>>Despite it is for free. (OR -No matter if it’s free.)

 If I change a part of my body, I wanna regain my sight.

>>If I can change a part of my body, I want to regain my good eyesight.
I have -4.5 Diopter in both eyes.

>>Correct

I can't watch anything without glasses)

>> I can't see anything without glasses.
I wanna recieve LASIK eye surgery but many bad side effects are reported.

>> I wanted to receive LASIK eye surgery but many bad side effects were reported.

If the LASIK eye surgery is verified, I wanna do LASIK.

>>If LASIK eye surgery is verified, I wanna do it.
But It takes over ten years to verify safety.

>>But it takes over ten years to verify its safety.
So I have to wear glasses at least for 2~3 years from now.

>> So I have to wear glasses for at least 2-3 from now.

 

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