homework :D

2015-06-17 · 첨삭 강사 Rose

학생이 쓴 원문

Good afternoon. :) I really like your way of teaching, Rose! :) Even though it is a little difficult to make good sentences, it really helps me. Also, writing essay is interesting to me. Always thanks. :D --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Today, computer technology makes people to live more comfortable life. Through using computer or cellphone, especially SNS, people can contact with their family or friends regardless of time and place. (Rose, I have a question. Can I use the expression “location” instead of “place” in this sentence? Which is more natural expression? :D) As SNS spreads all over the world, people seem to express their own-selves easily than the past-90’s. Of course there is the bright side that SNS can be used for expressing somebody’s individuality. However, the private information from SNS such as profile, photos and notes can be abused for crimes. In Facebook, we can get personal information of stranger very easily. I think that is the dark side of developed technology. So I think technology reduces privacy rather than it increases. Although technology makes us to live convenient life, we have to be cautious about what we have to protect. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tomorrow is thursday! I love thursdays because the nextday is friday. haha See you tomorrow.

강사 첨삭

Hello there, Miss. [Name]!
How are you? Thank you again for mastering your writing creativity skill^^
I can assure you that your mistakes are minor, there is nothing to worry about!
It is my pleasure to talk with you and start my day wonderfully with a wonderful student like you!
I can\'t wait to hear your voice soon~
Good afternoon. :) 
>>CORRECT!
I really like your way of teaching, Rose! :)
>>CORRECT!
Even though it is a little difficult to make good sentences, it really helps me.
>>CORRECT!
Also, writing essay is interesting to me. Always thanks. :D
>>CORRECT!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, computer technology makes people to live more comfortable life. 
>>Today, computer technology makes people live more comfortable life. 
Through using computer or cellphone, especially SNS, people can contact with their family or friends regardless of time and place. 
>>CORRECT!
(Rose, I have a question. Can I use the expression “location” instead of “place” in this sentence? Which is more natural expression? :D)
>>CORRECT! (Both expressions are natural, it is up to you!)
 As SNS spreads all over the world, people seem to express their own-selves easily than the past-90’s. 
>>As SNS spreads all over the world, people seem to express themselves easier than during the 90’s. 
Of course there is the bright side that SNS can be used for expressing somebody’s individuality.
>>Of course, there is a bright side that SNS can be used for expressing somebody’s individuality.
 However, the private information from SNS such as profile, photos and notes can be abused for crimes.
>>CORRECT!
 In Facebook, we can get personal information of stranger very easily.
>>On Facebook, we can get personal information of a stranger very easily.
 I think that is the dark side of developed technology. 
>>CORRECT!
So I think technology reduces privacy rather than it increases. 
>>So I think technology reduces rather than protects privacy. 
Although technology makes us to live convenient life, we have to be cautious about what we have to protect.
>>Although technology makes us live a convenient life, we have to be cautious about what we have to protect.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tomorrow is thursday! I love thursdays because the nextday is friday. haha
>>Tomorrow is Thursday! I love Thursdays because the next day is Friday. Ha ha
See you tomorrow.
>>CORRECT!

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