homework : essay

2020-09-17 · 첨삭 강사 Gemma

학생이 쓴 원문

Many people around the world are interested in healthy food. Some of them insist that government should improve public health by making laws regarding nutritious food. They say that country has a responsibility of managing peoples’ health by controlling food. There are many foods which are illegally produced or processed. Much of them are unwholesome. So, government should regulate them and provide healthy food. They also think that government should protect people from junk food. Because, if people eat a lot of junk food they will become obese. However, I think it is matter of personal choice and responsibility. Because, we have a freedom of choosing our own foods and meals. We usually gain energy by eating what we want. Sometimes, we want to eat junk foods, but its’ okay! Eating junk foods also makes me happy at least at that moment. So, I want to eat freely whether it is good or bad for our health. We all know well about effects of our eating, and we are ready to accept it.

강사 첨삭

Hi there [이름]~! ^^ Thanks for doing your homework! You\'ve got great ideas! Keep speaking your mind! See you~! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Many people around the world are interested in healthy food. 
>>> CORRECT
Some of them insist that government should improve public health by making laws regarding nutritious food. 
>>> Some of them insist that the government should improve public health by making laws regarding nutritious food. 
They say that country has a responsibility of managing peoples’ health by controlling food. 
>>> They say that the country has the responsibility of managing peoples’ health by controlling food. 
There are many foods which are illegally produced or processed. 
>>> CORRECT
Much of them are unwholesome.
>>> Many of them are unwholesome.
 So, government should regulate them and provide healthy food. 
>>>  So, the government should regulate them and provide healthy food.
They also think that the government should protect people from junk food.
>>> CORRECT
 Because, if people eat a lot of junk food they will become obese.
>>> CORRECT
However, I think it is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. 
>>> CORRECT
Because, we have a freedom of choosing our own foods and meals.
>>> CORRECT
 We usually gain energy by eating what we want. 
>>> CORRECT
Sometimes, we want to eat junk foods, but its’ okay! 
>>> CORRECT
Eating junk foods also makes me happy at least for a moment.
>>> CORRECT
 So, I want to eat freely whether it is good or bad for our health. 
>>> CORRECT
We all know well about effects of our eating, and we are ready to accept it.
>>> We know well about the effects of eating, and we are ready to accept it.

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