homework : essay

2020-09-22 · 첨삭 강사 Gemma

학생이 쓴 원문

I think the employer should pay more attention to employees’ personal qualities rather than qualifications and experience while recruiting them. For me, I interned at a company last summer vacation. Our teams’ staffs worked hard so they were very busy every day. They had a full experience, outstanding abilities, and good personal qualities. However, the team leader was the worst. He was too emotional and selfish. So, he always conflicted with staffs. Staffs hated him and he did not respect the staffs. Therefore, the teams’ performance and reputation got worse. After all this, I thought that personal qualities are more important than any other abilities. Employees can experience and qualify after joining the company. The bosses will teach them well. But personal qualities are innate talents, so they are hard to change. So, Employers should recruit the person who already has a great personal quality. Business is a teamwork. And the basic of the teamwork is good interpersonal relations.

강사 첨삭

Great day to you [이름]~! ^^ When you assume positivity, it is often what you discover. Keep learning! See you~! ^^

>>> TEACHER GEMMA

I think the employer should pay more attention to employees’ personal qualities rather than qualifications and experience while recruiting them.

>>> CORRECT

For me, I interned at a company last summer vacation.

>>> CORRECT

Our teams’ staff worked hard so they were very busy every day.

>>> CORRECT

They had a full experience, outstanding abilities, and good personal qualities.

>>> CORRECT

However, the team leader was the worst.

>>> CORRECT

He was too emotional and selfish.

>>> CORRECT

So, he always conflicted with staffs.

>>> So he always conflict with the staff.

Staff hated him and he did not respect the staffs.

>>> The staff hated him and he did not respect them.

Therefore, the teams’ performance and reputation got worse.
>>> CORRECT
After all this, I thought that personal qualities are more important than any other abilities.

>>> CORRECT

Employees can experience and qualify after joining the company.

>>> Employees can experience and be qualified after joining the company.

The bosses will teach them well.

>>> CORRECT

But personal qualities are innate talents, so they are hard to change.

>>> CORRECT

So, employers should recruit the person who already has a great personal quality.

>>> CORRECT

Business is a teamwork.

>>> CORRECT

And the basic of teamwork is good interpersonal relations.

>>> CORRECT

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