(Homework)How do you think can people in the old ages contribute to the society
학생이 쓴 원문
Old people(shortly, OP) are less stronger than young people(shortly, YP). And, they have less cognitive ability than YP.
But, the important thing is YP will be OP someday, and \"OP were YP in past\".
It means that OP had already experienced a variety of tasks, drudgeries, relationships, societies with their past strongness, cognitive ability when they were young.
So, they may know how to work more effectively, how to live more happily in society.(I agree their informations are not always correct, but these were real their life.)
Altought OP have little power phisically, and mentally now, they can tell the real story that they felt on their \'skin\' at past society to YP leading the current society.
And, the ways they can tell YP these are omnipresent in present, especially in Internet! It can be SNS, individual broadcasting, or other media. It can be books surely.
The Certification of OP exists in past.
강사 첨삭
Hi [이름]!
Thanks for sharing your ideas about the topic.
Just make sure to make your ideas clearer.
Make your long sentences simpler to avoid grammatical error.
Check your spelling, too.
In know you can do it!
In know you can do it!
Here are my corrections.
Old people(shortly, OP) are less stronger than young people(shortly, YP).
>> Correct!
And, they have less cognitive ability than YP.
>> Correct!
But, the important thing is YP will be OP someday, and OP were YP in past.
>> But the important thing is YP will be OP someday and OP were YP in past.
It means that OP had already experienced a variety of tasks, drudgeries, relationships, societies with their past strongness, cognitive ability when they were young.
>> It means that OP had already experienced a variety of tasks and drudges. They have been into relationships and overcame hardship with their strength and cognitive ability when they were young.
So, they may know how to work more effectively, how to live more happily in society
>>So, they may know how to work more effectively and how to live more happily in the society.
(I agree their informations are not always correct, but these were real their life.)
>> I agree that their knowledge are not always correct but these were real in their life.
Altought OP have little power phisically, and mentally now, they can tell the real story that they felt on their \'skin\' at past society to YP leading the current society.
>>Although OP have less power physically and mentally now, they can tell to the current young leaders of the society about what they have felt on their \'skin\' in the past.
And, the ways they can tell YP these are omnipresent in present, especially in Internet! It can be SNS, individual broadcasting, or other media. It can be books surely.
>> They can express more of themselves to the youth in many ways such as the use of internet, SNS, media broadcasting, or books.
The Certification of OP exists in past.
>> Your idea here is not clear. Please rephrase your sentence.
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