Homework_IELTS_Lesson1_Q4
학생이 쓴 원문
Q. Compare the time you spent time with your family when you were young and now that you\'ve grown up.
A. when I was middle school student, if my parents have free time, we usually went out to eat or visited somewhere nice. However, now, I work part time-job and have more things to do. Therefore, I don\'t have much time to spend with my family. So, I try to make those time I am with my family priceless. For example, I have some family time rather than watching youtube vidieos with my phone. Even though the amont of family-gathered time lacks, I completely think that the value of those serial moments surpass that lack.
강사 첨삭
Hey, Su In! Thank you for taking the time to complete your homework and share your answer with me. I can see that you made a genuine effort to compare your past and present experiences with your family, and you also included examples, which is a good habit for IELTS Speaking. To reach a band 7.0, you need to focus on improving your grammar accuracy, particularly verb tenses, articles, and word choice. Try to use more natural expressions and linking phrases such as “back then,” “compared to now,” or “as a result” to make your answer flow smoothly. Also, watch out for small spelling mistakes like “vidieos” or “amont,” as they can affect clarity. Overall, you are on the right track; your ideas are good, and with more practice using natural collocations and complex sentences, you can definitely reach a 7.0 or higher.
~T. Jenna
A. when I was middle school student, if my parents have free time, we usually went out to eat or visited somewhere nice.
>>When I was a middle school student, if my parents had free time, we usually went out to eat or visited somewhere nice.
However, now, I work part time-job and have more things to do.
>>However, now I work a part-time job and have more things to do.
Therefore, I don\'t have much time to spend with my family.
Correct, or
>>As a result, I don’t get to spend as much time with my family as I used to.
>>As a result, I don’t get to spend as much time with my family as I used to.
So, I try to make those time I am with my family priceless.
>>So, I try to make the time I spend with my family priceless.
For example, I have some family time rather than watching youtube vidieos with my phone.
>>For example, I spend time with my family rather than watching YouTube videos on my phone.
Even though the amont of family-gathered time lacks, I completely think that the value of those serial moments surpass that lack.
>>Even though the amount of family time is limited, I completely think that the value of those moments outweighs the lack of quantity.
****
Alternative:
When I was in middle school, my parents and I often went out to eat or visited nice places whenever they had free time. Nowadays, I have a part-time job and many other responsibilities, so I don’t get to spend as much time with my family as before. That’s why I really try to make the moments we do have together special. For example, I prefer talking and sharing stories with them rather than just watching YouTube on my phone. Even though our time together is limited, I believe its quality is much more valuable than the amount of time we spend
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