Homework : Is it better to be physically attractive or intelligent?

Hi Allen!

I think you\'re really busy today.

I still appreciate that you took the time to write a composition.

I\'ll see you in class!

I hope the suggestions help!

~~ Teacher Sharon

There are different opinions on what people want to be.

>> Correct
In this essay, I will elaborate both opinions and talk about my idea.

>> In this essay, I will elaborate on both opinions and talk about my idea.
First of all, people would like to appeal their physical attraction such as body shapes beyond the purpose of the health.

>> First of all, most people would like to make their physical attributes more appealing such as body shapes beyond the purpose of the health.
According to research, appearance is one of the major factors to decide person’s first impression.

>> According to research, appearance is one of the major factors to determine person’s first impression.
For example, a physically attractive person mostly has a good reputation.

>> For example, a physically attractive person usually has a good reputation.
Secondly, Others prefer to promote knowledge rather than they work out.

>> Secondly, others prefer to promote knowledge rather than work out.
They usually think that intelligence is more valuable than physicals abilities.

>>They usually think that intelligence is more valuable than physical attributes.
In addition, intelligence can make more significant values such as difference inventions.

>> Correct
I believe that intelligence is more important if I have basic health.

>> I believe that intelligence is more important if we can maintain basic health.
This is because no one can’t cover my life and health, even if I have most valuable knowledge.

>> This is because no one can protect my life and health, even if I have the most valuable knowledge.
However, valuable knowledge can help many people and also contribute our better lives, if I am healthy.

>> However, valuable knowledge can help many people and also contribute to make our lives better.