[Homework] What kind of improvement would you like to see in your town?

2022-05-11 · 첨삭 강사 Faith

학생이 쓴 원문

I am quite content with my neighborhood at present. My neighborhood where I reside at, which is situated in the heart of Bucheon, is well-modernized. It has several subway lines, buses and 2 big highways, so its transportation is very good. Also a big department store and a wide array of markets are here, so that I can eat anything whenever I want. However, there are something that I hope to be improved in my town. First, it’s very noisy. If I open a window, I can’t hear any sound from inside because of the speeding cars outside. I think the city government should manage more strictly the speed limit of cars. In addition, a sightseeing is terrible. You can only see just gray buildings and apartments that interfere with our view. I really want a huge green park in this town, and we can feel relaxed and chill at the park.

강사 첨삭

Good day, Sam! Thank you for describing your place in detail. I hope you could have a greener town soon!-Faith-
I am quite content with my neighborhood at present.
>> CORRECT
My neighborhood where I reside at, which is situated in the heart of Bucheon, is well-modernized.
>> My neighborhood where I reside at, which is situated in the heart of Bucheon, is well modernized.
It has several subway lines, buses and 2 big highways, so its transportation is very good.
>> It has several subway lines, buses and two big highways, so its transportation is very good.
Also a big department store and a wide array of markets are here, so that I can eat anything whenever I want.
>> Also, a big department store and a wide array of markets are here, so I can eat anything whenever I want.
However, there are something that I hope to be improved in my town.
>> However, there are some things that I hope to be improved in my town.
First, it’s very noisy. 
>> CORRECT
If I open a window, I can’t hear any sound from inside because of the speeding cars outside.
>> If I open a window, I can hear any speeding car sound inside.
I think the city government should manage more strictly the speed limit of cars.
>> I think the city government should manage the speed limit of cars more strictly.
In addition, a sightseeing is terrible. 
>> In addition, the view is terrible. 
You can only see just gray buildings and apartments that interfere with our view. 
>> CORRECT
I really want a huge green park in this town, and we can feel relaxed and chill at the park.
>> I really want a huge green park in this town, so we can feel relaxed and chilled at the park.

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