Homework1

2019-04-04 · 첨삭 강사 Sharon

학생이 쓴 원문

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs. I also agree with this idea because doing unpaid community service is advantageous. Firstly, making unpaid community service be a mandatory part of high school programs is beneficial because it makes students be good people. Today, many people like to spend time alone because being alone is convenient, and smart phones allow people to keep busy by sending messages and watching movies. So, more and more people are becoming selfish and unwilling to spend their time doing unpaid community service. A survey has shown that 80% of students who participate in unpaid community service say that they are happy when they help others and they will continue to do that after graduation. Therefore, it is clear that unpaid community service should be a mandatory part of high school programs because it makes students be good people.

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름]!
This is absolutely fantastic!
The words you chose to use are very clear.
I could understand your point immediately.
I hope you keep this up.
You will be ready for the test again very soon.
~~ Teacher Sharon
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs. 
>> Correct
I also agree with this idea because doing unpaid community service is advantageous. 
>> Correct
Firstly, making unpaid community service be a mandatory part of high school programs is beneficial because it makes students be good people. 
>> Firstly, making unpaid community service a mandatory part of high school programs is beneficial because it helps students to become good people. 
Today, many people like to spend time alone because being alone is convenient, and smart phones allow people to keep busy by sending messages and watching movies. 
>> Correct
So, more and more people are becoming selfish and unwilling to spend their time doing unpaid community service. 
>> Correct
A survey has shown that 80% of students who participate in unpaid community service say that they are happy when they help others and they will continue to do that after graduation. 
>> Correct
Therefore, it is clear that unpaid community service should be a mandatory part of high school programs because it makes students be good people.
>> Therefore, it is clear that unpaid community service should be a mandatory part of high school programs because it helps students become good people.

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