How can be the problem of corruption be reduced?

2019-10-28 · 첨삭 강사 Joylin

학생이 쓴 원문

I think reducing the corruption is very hard and complex problem. Most people consider that this problem is up to the president or the members of the National Assembly. However, I strongly believe that common citizens also can change this problem. For example, in Korea, many people gathered to have a candlelight vigil to express their opinions. They wanted to make a corrupt person retire from his job. He was nominated by the president, and the president liked him. At first, they did not give citizens any reaction. However, over 2 million people gathered in Gwanghwamun Plaza. Then finally he was retired. Likewise, I think common citizens can help to reduce corruption by expressing our opinions nonviolently.

강사 첨삭

Hi Chloe!
Here are the corrections.
I think reducing the corruption is very hard and complex problem. Most people consider that this problem is up to the president or the members of the National Assembly.
>> Correct!
However, I strongly believe that common citizens also can change this problem. For example, in Korea, many people gathered to have a candlelight vigil to express their opinions.
>> Correct!
They wanted to make a corrupt person retire from his job. He was nominated by the president, and the president liked him.
>> Correct!
At first, they did not give citizens any reaction. However, over 2 million people gathered in Gwanghwamun Plaza.
>> Correct!
Then finally he was retired. Likewise, I think common citizens can help to reduce corruption by expressing our opinions nonviolently.
>>Then finally he retired. Likewise, I think common citizens can help reduce corruption by expressing their opinions nonviolently.

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