How can being a member of an organization be advantageous?
학생이 쓴 원문
Everyone needs someone to keep living and to get stability in a society. After you were born, you got a first organization was a family. They give you some information how to survive at first time. Also they give you their affection. You can feel safe, happy from them. After then, If you enter a kind of school, you would get second organization like friends or social clubs. Although your first organization was family, second organization should impact on you a lots of things such as behaviors, tone and even styles to be close each others. It could make your life more fun. In addition, you will get third organization in company after you get a job. In company, they offer you to cooperate with colleague in order to take good results. So, you need to conversate. Of course you can get a stress from a organization. However you shouldn’t detach with a organization, you should join in a sort of group if you want or not.
강사 첨삭
Thanks you for this Yoon!
Everyone needs someone to keep living and to get stability in a society.
>>> correct
After you were born, you got a first organization was a family.
>>> After you were born, your first organization was a family.
They give you some information how to survive at first time.
>>> correct
Also they give you their affection.
>>> correct
You can feel safe, happy from them.
>>> correct
>>> You can feel safety and happiness from them.
After then, If you enter a kind of school, you would get second organization like friends or social clubs.
>>> correct
Although your first organization was family, second organization should impact on you a lots of things such as behaviors, tone and even styles to be close each others.
>>> Although your first organization was family, second organization should more impact on you on a lot of things such as behaviors, tone and even styles to be close to each other.
It could make your life more fun.
>>> correct
In addition, you will get third organization in a company after you get a job.
>>> correct
In company, they offer you to cooperate with colleague in order to take good results.
>>> In the company, they offer you cooperation with colleagues in order to take good results.
So, you need to conversate.
>>> OR: So, you need to communicate an have conversations.
Of course you can get a stress from a organization.
>>> Of course you can get stress from an organization.
However, you shouldn’t detach with a organization, you should join in a sort of group if you want or not.
>>> However, you shouldn’t detach yourself from an organization. You should join a sort of a group whether you want it or not.
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