How can prolonged "screen time" among children affect them negatively?
학생이 쓴 원문
강사 첨삭
Hello [이름] [이름]. Thank you for sending this in. You\'re right about this. Young people are exposed to inappropriate contents. The thing is, it\'s quite difficult to control or limit what they can watch or see because these contents are easily available online.
- T. Beth
-----------------------------------------------
In relation to this topic, Prolonged screen time affect childrens negatively for the follow reasons.
>>>> In relation to this topic, prolonged screen time affect children negatively for the follow reasons.
Some of programs that be broadcast around midnight put focus on a stimulating subject like violance,adults humor and so on.
>>>> Some of programs that are broadcasted around midnight put focus on stimulating subjects like violence, adult humor and so on.
This subject makes them to follow that scene in school.
>>>> CORRECT.
>>>> OR: They are likely to do what they see on TV in school.
And they also are sharing some sences by using sns services.
>>>> CORRECT.
So, they can be able to learn about aggressive behavoirs.
>>>> So, they can learn about aggressive behaviors.
>>>> OR: So, they are able to learn about aggressive behaviors.
by these reason, I think that respective goverment have to control broadcastings.
>>>> Through these reasons, I think that respective goverment has to control broadcastings.
>>>> OR: Because these reasons, I think that respective goverment has to control broadcastings.
>>>> OR: Due to these reasons, I think that respective goverment has to control broadcastings.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.