How do schools in your country prioritize students' health?

2018-04-10 · 첨삭 강사 Eunice

학생이 쓴 원문

It has been more than 20 years that I graduated a high school. I am sure that everything in schools have changed. People living this century are really interested in their health due to the technological advancement. We can find any disease if we go to the hospital in early stage. Micro dust has been the most serious problem lately but the government and people didn't find a solution yet. We even don't know what is the best way to keep our-self from the air pollution. The nursery that my son has attended always send the things about his activities he did, management of their facility and condition of daily weather including micro dust for keeping children from it. Teachers never allow children to play outside if weather is bad. We say that health should be first thing to consider if we lose our heath it doesn't mean that we have a lot of money and power in a society.

강사 첨삭

Hi Sir [이름]!
Happy Tuesday indeed! As you noticed, I underlined the last sentence of your composition because I just couldn\'t find the connection of the context. You just made the right choice when you chose a good nursery school for your son. The health of their students is on top of their priority. Thank you for sharing this piece with me. You did a great job! Keep on writing!^^
~ Teacher Eunice

It has been more than 20 years that I graduated a high school.
>>> It has been more than 20 years since I graduated from high school.
I am sure that everything in schools have changed.
>>> Correct!
People living this century are really interested in their health due to the technological advancement.

>>> Correct!
We can find any disease if we go to the hospital in early stage.
>>> We can cure any disease if we go to the hospital in early stage.
Micro dust has been the most serious problem lately but the government and people didn\'t find a solution yet.
>>> Correct!
We even don\'t know what is the best way to keep our-self from the air pollution.
>>> We don\'t even know what is the best way to keep ourselves away from the air pollution.
The nursery that my son has attended always send the things about his activities he did, management of their facility and condition of daily weather including micro dust for keeping children from it.
>>> The nursery where my son attends always sends us the things about his activities, the management of their facility and the weather condition including the micro dust level to keep children away from it.
Teachers never allow children to play outside if weather is bad.
>>> Correct!
We say that health should be first thing to consider if we lose our heath it doesn\'t mean that we have a lot of money and power in a society.
>>> We can say that our health should be the first thing to consider, if we lose our health it doesn\'t mean that we have a lot of money and power in a society.
>>> [Do you mean: The first thing that we should consider is our health because being powerful and having a lot of money in the society doesn\'t save you from death.]

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